Three days at the gym this week!

Okay, so I went to the gym on Monday and Tuesday, and then again today. Cool thing is, I went today... by myself! I don't mind going alone, so long as I have a plan. And now that I know I can get a treadmill and watch what I want on the tv, it's not such a big deal going. I like feeling comfortable while I'm there doing my cardio. I don't like feeling like I'm crowded or rushed. Looks like 9 am is not too bad of a time to go.
Today, I watched my Price is Right, and ran/jogged again on the commercials. I'm making progress, too! Today I ran for two 3-minute intervals! Yay me! That's 6 whole minutes! :-)
Sounds like a silly accomplishment, but it's a start. Just like everything else I've had to do to get healthy... starting with baby steps is the best way.
Maybe by next Monday, I'll be able to jog through the whole Showcase Showdown! :-)

Jog vs. Run

It has been 12 days since Thanksgiving, and that hurdle is behind me. There were the traditional appetizers and drinks available, and I think I sampled a little of everything, but I'm still within my maintaining weight range. For the last couple days, I've been just about 178. Not bad considering this is such a snacky time of year for me. I love my hot chocolate, and sometimes a little Bailey's in my coffee. :-)
But honestly, I am really looking forward to the first of the year. I've decided that if I can lose 80 lbs in about 7+ months, I can certainly lose another 15-20 during the first few months of the new year. I just want to hit that 165 mark, and then I'll be happy. The lowest I've been during this process is 173, and I've since bounced up and down between that number and where I am currently. Between now and the first of the year, I'll just maintain, and continue to watch and count my calorie intake, but not stress too much. Come the first of the year, I'll resume the plan that helped me lose 80+ lbs. I am looking forward to it. I like the feeling of being in control that comes with knowing what I'm eating, and how it shapes my body.
Yesterday, I went to they gym with Bunna. He has his routine of running, then lifting, then running, and sometimes running with dumbbells.
I got on the treadmill, and because they now have small tvs above two of the treadmills, I can totally get into my cardio!
We got there yesterday at 9 am, and that is the perfect time for television watching! I love my Price is Right! I did 20 minutes on the elliptical, and then another 30 on the treadmill watching Drew Carey on my game show. Yesterday, the goal was to see if I could actually run without back pain, and I managed to go only about 60 seconds before my lungs were burning. My back seemed fine though.
Today, we got there at around 9:15 am, and I parked myself on the treadmill right away. I watched the Price is Right, and told myself that during the commercials, I would raise the speed and try running/jogging again. This time, I went a solid 3 minutes!
I think the difference was that yesterday, I had my "run" speed set for 6.5, and today, I slowed my "run" speed down to a mere 4.6 mph. It really made the difference. I wasn't pushing too hard, and I didn't get winded. But after being on the treadmill for about 30 minutes, my ankle and hip started aching. Probably dehydrated, I think. So next time I'll make sure I drink plenty before I go to the gym. I did finally finish after 48 minutes, and 2.5 miles. Not a record-breaking speed, but it's a start.
All in all, getting to the gym and trying out my abilities was a good motivator. I can see myself being more of a runner now that I'm at a manageable weight. But... "runner" is such a strong word. I think I'll stick with "jogger". It sounds more me.

Thanksgiving tomorrow!

I've taken this whole "maintaining" thing too far, I think. :-)

Over the last few weeks, I've substituted one food for another, and in the process, added calories a little here and there. As a result, I have not lost anything. I weighed this morning at 176.4, which is the same as always. I'm not complaining, although it sounds like I'm bummed out. I'm really not. I'm enjoying my maintaining schedule.
Last week, I went to a "food" party, where samples were served, and we could order yummy things to fill our pantry. I sampled, and I bought. And I didn't feel guilty. It was actually nice to feel like I could have a bite of something, and not have a million eyes staring at me. I used to always think that, even among friends, there were those that were thinking, "She shouldn't be eating that!" or, "Get that girl a salad!" LOL
I'm back to normal, and really happy about it. I'm feeling less judged every day. :-)
Last weekend, I went to Reno with Bunna's mom, and we ate, and drank, and gambled! Our drink of choice is Bailey's and coffee, and we had a few. We also made a sharp right into the little goodie shop upstairs at Circus Circus when we smelled ice cream. Yes, you CAN smell ice cream, if your ice cream radar in on, and ours apparently was.
I was good to a point, though. I haven't lost all my senses, yet! I had a veggie panini on Friday night, with a bowl of soup. And a cookie for dessert. On Saturday night, I had a big Cobb salad and bowl of soup. I stole a couple of onion rings from Bunna's mom's plate, but other than that, I was mostly under control.
Thanksgiving is tomorrow, and it goes without saying that the food will be tempting. I think I'll have a glass of Benefiber before we go to Bunna's family's house, and I might dig up a capsule or two of Hoodia. I bought it a while back, and haven't really tested it yet. I've heard good things, but I'm not much for supplements like that. I don't trust them completely to be safe. But I'll try them tomorrow, and see if they don't curb my appetite a little. It's tough when everything smells so good and there are so many treats everywhere!
I'll check in again after this holiday. Christmas is coming, and with it, the stress of the season; shopping, finances, and work. It will be a new test for me to make it through the holidays without bouncing too high on the scale!

Holidays are comin'!

Well, here come the holidays. If I want to have that extra cushion of safety, then I need to lose 10 lbs before Thanksgiving! That way, if I have an extra calorie here and there, it won't throw me into a tailspin!
Went to the gym today, after a long hiatus. It felt good, considering I haven't been on an elliptical in months. I did a solid 30 minutes, which is more than what I did 80 pounds ago. It didn't kill me, and in fact, felt good. My legs weren't burning, although that would be a good thing. It was nice to know that I'm not so out of shape that I can do that length of time without pooping out. If I had cranked up the intensity, I would have felt some burn. Next time maybe. This time it was enough to know that I'm back on the horse... hopefully, for a while.
I was on a machine today between two friends. I didn't know they were friends, or I might have jumped on a machine on the end. But they didn't mind so much that I had gotten between them. They continued to talk, and included me.
Turns out both of them had gone to Curves before, like I had. And amazingly, we hadn't run into each other there, because we all went to the same location, during the same period of time.
And although we all had good things to say about the experience, we all agreed that there was more socializing and games going on there than actual working out. The three of us couldn't say that we had lost any weight, or toned up during our time there.
One of the women goes to a 6 am strength training class on Wednesday mornings at our current gym. She's not much older than me, and in comparable shape, so I think I could handle it. Assuming that I can get my buns out of bed at 5:30. Ugh... am I actually considering this? We'll see.
She told me it's a 10 minute stationary bike warm up, then a type of circuit program. I'm assuming it's an hour class, and she says they switch weights every 60 seconds. Hmmm. Sounds like a pretty active class! Whether I can get through it without my morning coffee is yet to be seen... But knowing my coffee is waiting for me in my warm kitchen would be a good reward!
This morning I weighed 178, which is at the high end of my bounce range. Back on schedule this week, with no more "little of this" and "a little of that". I should be back down towards the lower end of the range, around 173, in another week. Then I can start pushing again towards getting into the 160's. Nice... I haven't seen those numbers in about 30 years! Haha.

Same weight for 4 weeks.

So, my birthday came and went, and now I am the big 4-7. A couple weeks before my birthday, I realized that I was only 3 pounds from my goal weight of 170. Actually, it was on October 20th, that I weighed 173.2.
I've had a lot of days since then that have been nowhere near my goal intake of 1100 daily calories. In fact, I'm sure there were days I was pushing 2000 calories. But, based on most guides I've read regarding a person's necessary caloric needs, I should be eating 2400 calories to maintain my weight, and if I were to eat 2000 a day, it would take quite some time to lose anything. I think that eating 2000 a day would put me at a weight loss rate of 1-2 pounds per month.
So on October 20th, I thought I would hit my goal weight by my birthday, which was the 27th. One week to lose 3 pounds? Totally do-able, but it would have meant that I would have to watch my calories closely, and get in a good workout daily.
Those things just didn't happen, for some reason. I think now that I'm in a size I like, and my weight is so normal, it's just become less of a priority to actually lose more. I'm happy with my current size, and whether or not I lose the next 5-10 in a month, or 6 months, isn't a huge concern.
This morning I weighed 177.2, which is exactly what I weighed on September 29th. So it's been 4 weeks of maintaining, with no loss. I have been as low as 173.2, but I tend to bounce up and down about 3-4 pounds, depending what my body is going through that day. Cramping and bloating tend to keep my up a couple pounds, and then they come off after a couple days.
My big thing now is toning, and building muscle. I really have to do this, and it's not something I'm thrilled about... yet. There was a time when I loved going to the gym, and I loved my walking. But up until now, the dieting has worked so well for me, I haven't felt the need to exercise at all. I know, I know. It's gotta happen. And one day, I'll wake up, and just like the day I started to eat healthy, I'll know this is the day I'm going to stick with my exercise. That day just hasn't hit me yet. But it's coming... soon.

Svelte

Svelte (svelt) adj. (Fr) 1. slender; lithe 2. suave

Growing up, that word came up a lot. It was the word my mother used to describe a tall, thin woman. It was the word my teen boyfriend used to describe what he'd like me to become.* It was a word I never thought I'd hear used to describe me at age 47.
Thanks to Linda, my co-worker, for making my day yesterday. She saw me on the dock as we were unloading our trucks, and said, "You're looking very svelte lately!"
Oh! You could have knocked me over with a feather! Up until now, any word anyone has used to describe me sounded unreal. I've been called "skinny" and it didn't register that maybe I was getting there. Although "skinny" is not necessarily a complimentary word. Maybe "fit" or "healthy" sound better to me. "Skinny" sounds like you're sickly.
Anyway, the word svelte is a word that sums up exactly what my goal has been all this time. When I was 256 lbs, I never thought I'd see the day when someone used that word to describe me! I was never svelte as a teen, certainly not svelte in my 20s and 30s, and up until the last 8 or so months, I was hardly svelte. I was unhealthy, bloated, and pale. The farthest thing from svelte. My 5' 10" was almost embarrassing, because I always considered myself an Amazon; too tall, and too heavy. Now, my height is attractive again. You gotta be tall to be svelte, right?
Ahhh... how nice to be to this point. I'm so looking forward to the rest of my time on this planet, now that weight is not an obstacle. Holy cow! I can do anything!
Oh, and by the way... I weighed in at 173.2 this morning! Woohoo!



* See "Boots" entry, March '10.

Bonus photo!

Here's a little bonus photo. Me in my size 10s again. I think I have a photo of me in these jeans a few posts back, but this one is a frontal view. :-)

I really should enlist my son to be my photographer. These bathroom mirror pictures are pretty cheesy.

Drink Mixes

This morning I woke up and realized I hadn't written anything in the blog for days. When nothing much is happening, I'm not always motivated to write. But in fact, my weight has been up and down, but slowly staying towards the down side.
Over the weekend, I overate. Well, overeating to me now, is way different than overeating how I used to.
On Saturday, we went to Bunna's parents' house for dinner. We brought with us a pea and cauliflower salad, and they had steaks, baked potato, green salad and cottage cheese and peaches. Overall, in the right proportion, it was a great healthy dinner. So many times, leaving home can be treacherous. To come out of your comfort zone and try to blend with the people that eat regular food is still something I'm learning to do.
Bunna's mom also made a chocolate cake. I had three small squares. I just couldn't resist. We also had coffee and Bailey's with our dessert. I knew for sure that I would wake up Sunday morning feeling guilty and bloated.
BUT... Sunday morning, I weighed my least yet! The scale said 174.2, and I had to rub my eyes to believe it.
Maybe it was a little dehydration, or maybe just a fluke, because Monday morning, I weighed an even 176 again. And this morning, I'm back to 174.6.
I've been considering ways to make sure I'm getting all the water I need, and all the protein, without going over my calorie count for the day.
I've discovered the Crystal Light zero calorie drink mixes. I'm probably the last person on the planet to find these, but over the summer, I started trying them, and now I don't leave home without them!
Better yet, I've found that Walmart makes a version of these drink mixes, and I've also found the Wyler's version at the Grocery Outlet.
Each flavor packet is designed to do something different for your body. I've got the fiber packets, the energy packets, the metabolism packets, the vitamin enhanced packets, the hydration packets and the immunity packets. I half-freeze 3-20 oz. bottles with water each night, and the next day for work, I fill the bottles the rest of the way with water, and mix in a packet. I get three flavors for the day! And since my day consists of 5 hours in the hot sun in the summer, I always finish my 3 bottles. That's a good 60 oz of water, which is not a bad start. On really hot days, I find myself hitting up every drinking fountain on my route, too.
Now that the cooler weather is here, I'll likely cut back to 2 bottles a day. When it's 30 degrees outside, I just don't feel like slamming ice cold water. Call me crazy.
Anyway, these drink mixes are great. And with no calories, they are the perfect way to get that sugar taste without getting all the caffeine and other bad stuff they put in diet sodas. They're not as good for you as drinking straight water, but they are, in my opinion, the next best thing!
And as much as I enjoy a fresh glass of real orange juice, the sugar content in real juice is unreal! Three hundred calories in a glass of real orange juice compared to zero calories in a glass of Wyler's Immunity Orange Flavor mix? That's a no brainer.

100 Calories?

I started this "body overhaul" on February 2, 2010. Today is October 14, 2010, so I'm just over 8 months into this process. Today I weighed the same as I've weighed before, and matched the lowest weight so far to date. My scale said 175.2 this morning.
I've seen this weight before. It seems as if I stay here for a day or two, then I start feeling secure, and I have a few extra calories over the weekend or for some event. The next thing you know, I'm back to 178. I know it's only temporary, and a day or two of counting every calorie gets me right back down, but so far, and for the last month or so, that 175.2 is the lowest I can go.
Everyone goes through that stalled period. The "plateau". I say, "Plateau, Schmateau!" I good day of exercise and whole foods should get me down that next 5 lbs! I've got only 13 days until my 47th birthday, and I intend to hit that 170 mark by then.

I have sustained myself on the same type of food for over 8 months. I eat fiber bars, fruit, cheese, egg beaters, whole grains, lean meats, soy meat substitutes, dairy products, lots of green salads with tomato and low-cal dressing, and low-cal tv dinners. There are times when I just need a taste of what I used to eat. I don't want to cut that "bad" stuff completely out of my diet, but I need to know how much is enough. No more 1" thick peanut butter sanwiches. No more, "I'm gonna have a second donut! There's just so good!" I can snack responsibly if a situation comes up where there's bad food. I just have to know when to stop. Easy enough, right?
When you need to satisfy a craving, I've learned to go for what you crave. If you try to satisfy the craving with something else, like a rice cake, (haha) you'll still have that itch. If you want peanut butter, go ahead. Put a little on a rice cake, and stop at one! There are ways to get your fix without going off your plan.
Here are a few things that can be substituted for a fiber bar occasionally. But remember... these things might satisfy an urge to splurge, but they won't stop your stomach from growling if it's 3 hours from dinner!


One tablespoon of peanut butter.
Seven potato chips.
Four chocolate kisses.
1/3 of a fast food cheeseburger.
Fifteen french fries.
2/3 of a can of soda.
1/2 of a glazed donut.
Eight saltine crackers.
One tablespoon margarine.

I do have a fry once in awhile. I do have a potato chip. And I love a bite of chocolate occasionally. But I remember back in the day... I used to enjoy a PB&J so much, I'd make a second one. I'd stop on my route for a coffee, (sugary and creamy) and finish it off with a couple of mini-mart fried snacks. I was doing that twice a week! Baking every weekend was the norm, and fast food places were always there for last minute dinners. Pizza, thick and cheesy, was on the dinner table at least once a week, and boxed side dishes like Rice-a-Roni or mac 'n cheese were regular part of dinner.
But not so much now. I've got healthier foods in the pantry and fridge. And the family is benefiting from it.

New photos.

At the point when I realized I was way more heavy than I should be, I had just ordered a new pair of work pants. The USPS carrier pants I ordered were a men's waist size 46. FORTY-SIX!

These days, I'm wearing a 34, and am almost comfortable in a 32.

This morning, I hit up the thrift stores to see if I could possibly be comfortable in women's pants as low as a 10. The first and only pair I picked up and tried on fit. Really? ME? In a 10??

Here are the photos to prove it... and as an extra special bonus today... photos of me doing the ever-so-original "pull the waist out" pose, and the even more cool, "both legs in one pants leg" pose! Enjoy!

Lowest weight to date!

Yesterday, on my route and throughout the day, I consumed approximately 700 calories. I was saving 3-400 for my dinner, which always tends to go a little over that.
Last night, for dinner, I made spaghetti and "meat" balls. The pasta was angel hair, and the sauce was jarred, and the balls were of the frozen soy variety. My son, and The Bunna normally don't eat the soy food I bring home, but the cupboard was bare, so they were forced to consume, with me, the un-meat products I keep just for me.
The bread box was also devoid of the proper spaghetti accompaniment, so I went for the wheat sandwich bread, which I topped with a little margarine, some garlic powder and a dash of Parmesan and parsley. Under the broiler for a couple minutes, and we had a meal.
Started with our usual green salad, with a new variety of dressings, thanks to my wild shopping spree the other day. I think the checker at the store thought I was having a salad party, since I walked out that store with no less than 7 new dressings. :-)
Anyway, with the salad, pasta and meatballs, and pseudo-garlic bread, I'm sure my calorie intake for the day was higher than I normally go. Not to mention the sliced apples and vanilla yogurt dip we all shared for dessert!
Regardless, my weight this morning was 175.2, which is the least I've weighed throughout this whole process! The closest I've come to that was 175.6 a couple of weeks ago.
I'm not exactly on track, but I'm still moving down slowly. Five more pounds in the next four weeks should be easy enough. I'm going to hit that 170 mark before my birthday!

Body Fat

I was just thinking. Aside from the obvious inches I've lost, and the staggering 80 lb drop in weight, I should consider the body fat % as well.
When I first started dieting, I was a hefty 256 lbs. My neck measurement was approximately 17", my waist 46", and my hips 48". At a height of 5'10", that put my body fat at 49%. That means that nearly half my total weight was fat. Holy cow!
Currently, my measurements are: neck-14", waist-34", and hips- 41". With my weight this morning at 177.2, my body fat comes out to 31%.
Based on the charts I use, I'm in the healthy range! For a female, age 41-60 (I'll be 47 next month!), the healthy range is 23-35%. I actually fall into the healthy range for a female 20-40 years of age, that being 21-33%.
At 49%, I was well into the obese range. I would venture to say, morbidly obese, although the chart I use doesn't distinguish between the two. I was pre-diabetic, and with high blood pressure and failing joints, I was well on my way to an early grave.
Things have sure turned around! My moods, although positive for the most part even before the weight loss, have become so much better. If I was teetering on the verge of depression, I've pulled myself up and away from the edge of that deep, deep chasm. Thank God. That was a precarious position to be in, and now I'm on level ground again. :-)

Maintaining

Got back last night from our whirlwind trip to California. The whole trip, from airport to airport, was only 36 hours. But it was one trip we couldn't miss! Mom's 80th Birthday party was a hit!

I left on Saturday morning weighing 176. Home last night, and this morning I'm at 178. There wasn't time to do a lot of snacking, although because it was Mom's birthday, there was more than one cake to sample. The caterer at the party had salads, beef, chicken, mashed potatoes and bread. I probably would have felt more comfortable with steamed veggies and fruit salad, but that didn't stop me from joining the family at the buffet line!

Plane food is easy to justify snacking on. Only 50 calories in one of those little trail mix packets. But Alaska/Horizon Airlines offers free samples of local Northwest wineries, so I had a glass... at 9am. Hey! I wasn't driving! :-)

Anyway, I'm only up a couple of pounds, and last weekend on the Vancouver trip, I gained 3, so I think I'm doing fine.

I told myself I'd be getting back into a regular gym schedule soon, but today isn't the day. Where's my motivation? If I could visualize myself with toned arms and butt, it would be different. But I still don't even see the weight loss so much when I look in the mirror, so the importance of toning hasn't hit me yet. But it will. Eventually, I'll be tired of looking at my little flying squirrel wings, and feel the need to start lifting weights. I'm just feeling lazy these days. No excuses, just lazy.

Back from Vancouver.

Happy Birthday to my Mom! The big 8-0! I can only hope to live as long... and I know she's got quite a few years left in her! Go MOM!!
My sister and I had a wonderful trip to Vancouver, WA. The visit was awesome! And the shopping and restaurants were a blast!
I left weighing 176, and when I returned, I weighed 179. Ugh. But it happens. No biggy. Five days later, and I'm back to my 176. But this weekend will be another challenge. My son and I are flying out tomorrow morning for a quick overnight in California for my Mom's 80th birthday party. I imagine the caterer has made some delicious treats, and I'm just going to have to limit myself.
While in Vancouver, my sister and I tried to be good. But how do you say no to fabulous Mexican food at Cathedral Restaurant, the meatball sandwich at "The Rock", and home cooked breakfast made by a veteran Air Force chef??!! My cousin is so wonderful on so many different levels, and his cooking is top notch!
Saturday night, he made a huge dinner! We all had our choice of baked chicken or filet mignon, and all the veggies we could eat! All that, plus a variety of wines on the table made for a meal to remember.
I suppose I'm lucky we did enough walking on our shopping trips. I don't think we were idle one minute. Coming home to only a three lb gain was expected, and manageable.
Now, back to work. I should really try to get back to my 1-pound a week schedule... I'd like to see 170 by my 47th birthday... and it's coming up the end of next month!

Portland Bound!

Well, this morning I weighed, and I'm still sticking right at 176. Hopefully, after this weekend, I'll still be at that weight. I don't anticipate losing anything over the weekend, but maintaining should be easy enough. But I hear my cousin is a great cook... and Portland has quite a few awesome restaurants... Hmmm. :-)
I'll be back on Monday with a complete epicurean review. I'll give a run-down of my meals, and maybe even some ideas for new recipes. You never know what I might come home with!

Dress shopping.

I suppose I should make up for lost time! Too many days went by during September when I didn't get anything posted. That's so odd for me, because honestly, everyday there is something that happens or something I hear or see that affects me. So many diet-related circumstances...

This weekend, I'm going on a road trip with my sister. From Boise, Portland is a seven hour drive. We'll leave on Thursday, and come back Sunday. She and I are both watching what we eat, so this won't be one of those road trip like we used to take. No bags of chips, and packages of cookies. No Quick-Mart stops for big energy drinks or Starbuck's Mocha Smoothies.
We'll be on our best behavior. And when we get to Portland to our cousin's house, we'll have to be careful not to get into that vacation mode. That always trips me up. Being in a different place with different food choices. So fun to taste, but difficult to monitor.
The following week, my son and I will fly off for a weekend in California. Considering the reason for the trip, I might find myself eating off schedule. My Mother's 80th birthday party will be on the 25th, and that will be a sit-down dinner, so there's little chance of over eating there. But other than that, I'll plan on carrying a couple of 100 calorie bars with me in my purse. My son likes those, too, so we should be set for the weekend.
In preparation for my two jet-set weekends, I decided to do a little shopping, but the first thing I had to do was purge my closet... again.
Out went the t-shirts I've been hanging onto. For so many years, my casual attire consisted of men's jeans, big t-shirts, over-sized sweaters, and sweats. Holy cow.
Now, my closet is mostly devoid of those items. These days, my closet has sweet little tops with lace and satin bows. There are button-up blouses and cute cardigans. These days, if I own something with spandex, it's because the spandex/cotton mix hugs the curves, and these days, the curves aren't so bad!
Back in the day, the spandex clothes were a necessity. Without stretch, I wouldn't have been able to fit into a lot of my clothes.
Those big spandex pull-over tops are next to go. At this point, they are somewhat of a crutch, but I don't need them anymore, and they'll be in the Goodwill box soon.
So once my closet was thinned out, it was time to update the wardrobe again. Considering I don't have any dresses that fit, aside from a couple of 1990 Spiegel Catalog numbers, I decided to hit up Ross and TJ Maxx. I can't go to my Mom's special party in an ill-fitting denim dress circa 1997, now can I?
Going to TJ Maxx first was so much fun! With me, there was Bunna. Nice to have him along to give me the boyfriend point of view. With us went his sister, and their mother. They both have great taste, and it was an honor to have them help me pick something out.
The problem is, I wasn't considering the time of day of my Mom's party. It's an afternoon affair, ending at 7 pm, so the cocktail dresses we were picking out weren't going to be appropriate. But that didn't stop us from loading the cart with 10+ dresses and putting on a fashion show for Bunna! :-)
I was so happy with everything I put on. Some were size 14, some were size 12, and there was even one size 10 that fit, although it was a stretchy spandex blend. I came home with three top choices, but I wasn't done looking yet.
The next day, on a whim, I stopped in Ross to see what they had. I found so many, but came home with another three. Uh oh... time to make a decision.
In my everyday life, there's not a lot of opportunity to wear dresses, so having six in my closet seemed overkill.
But even with six to choose from, I still didn't feel like I had found my dress. What I had were six contemporary dresses, ranging in wearability from cocktail parties, to work, to lunch with the girls. But none said, "Mother's Birthday Party" to me.
On a suggestion from Bunna's sister, I decided to go to Dillards yesterday morning. Their summer dresses are being clearanced out, and some were 70% off! That's my kind of sale!
It didn't take me a minute to see it. The fabric was perfect. The style was fabulous. It said "Garden Party" all over it!
I tried on 3 or 4, but my favorite kept smiling at me from the hook in the dressing room. It was meant to be. And at a markdown price! From $89 to $26! Perfect!
So now, I have my party dress. What a relief. I realized that I had brought home so many dresses to begin with, because I was just so thrilled that they fit! How many years had it been since I could walk into a clothing store and grab a 12 or 14 off the rack, and have it fit like a dream? Way too long...
But honestly, I was like a kid in a candy store. So many dresses, all fitting and looking great. What an awesome trip to the store that was. The hour I spent in the TJ Maxx dressing room, with Kevin's family there to help me with sizes and opinions... it was just great. I'm thankful for the way they made me feel. I felt like myself again.
I'm looking forward to packing my bags this weekend, and next, with clothes that look good on me. I'll have a different attitude when I get dressed now. I'll have a lot less adjusting and posing, trying to make my clothes cover me. They don't have to just cover me anymore. Now my clothes can show my true personality.
And one more thing: I'm truly thankful that my job requires me to wear a uniform. Because otherwise, I could seriously see myself on a first name basis with the clerks at TJ Maxx.

Okay, hiatus is over.

I can't believe how long it's been since I last posted something! Where have I been? I suppose in the beginning of this lifestyle change, I was so on top of my blog, mostly because there were changes in my weight and size almost daily.
These days, I've slowed down so much in my loss that it takes a week before there is any change, and I've mostly just maintained my 80 lb loss for the last few weeks anyway. I've got 10 more to lose, and honestly, I've had so much fun losing the first 80, I just don't want it to end! :-)

The last few weeks have been full of changes, dietetically speaking. I've experimented with baking low-cal, and had some absolute cheat days. It feels good to go out to dinner and order something great, and know I'm not doomed to a 5 lbs gain the next day.
During the month of August, there was my family reunion. Lots of snacks and treats everywhere. But I got out of that with only a 3 lbs gain, which I tackled when I got home.
Labor Day weekend was our annual cabin trip. For the 6 of us, I made stew one night for dinner, and breakfast burritos and pancakes the next morning. My good friend whose family shares these trips to the cabin with us, was in charge of lunch and dinner on Saturday.
She made a delicious tamale pie for lunch, and bbq chicken sandwiches for dinner.
Between all the meals, there were snacks. Mostly we brought the snacks for the kids, who tend to burn a lot of energy out in the woods. But don't think I didn't have a brownie or two, and one or three cookies. I justified it by reminding myself that the hiking would compensate for the extra calories. Fresh air burns calories, too, right? :-)
Anyway, home from the cabin, and my weight was still stabile.
I'm coming in at around 177 these days. My lowest during this diet change has been 175, but that wasn't solid weight loss. For the past couple of weeks, I've bounced up and down about 2 pounds, keeping it between about 176 and 179. I couldn't ask for more. But in order to lose the final 10 lbs, I'll have to go back to square one: one hundred calorie snacks every 2 hours, and a close watch on that 300 calorie dinner.

Is it a "10"?

I read a post in another blog this morning written by a woman that has a lot of insight into this whole weight loss business. And there was something she wrote that reminded me of something I saw on a talk show years ago.

The blogger wrote that she had felt bad about eating "sub-par" food, because it just wasn't worth it.

What I had seen on the television long ago, was an interview with a woman that was giving advice on cutting calories. What she had said was, "Go ahead and order that chocolate cake for dessert. But after you take one bite, you need to determine where it falls on a scale of 1-10. If that cake is not a 10, then don't eat it. Don't waste your calorie intake on food that is not absolutely what your mouth was watering for!"

I should have listened to that advice. It's always floating around in my sub-conscience, but I rarely have the need to implement it. But this weekend, I should have.

Bunna and I had the opportunity to go out to eat, which doesn't happen often considering our work schedules. We decided that pizza would be a great way to celebrate our night off together. Honestly, there are only two foods that we usually go to when we have a need to splurge: pizza or Mexican. Friday it was pizza.

We ordered a medium pizza for the two of us, and had salads while we waited. When the pizza came, I looked at it like it was made by aliens.

"Bunna, this doesn't look like I remember it. What's wrong with the crust?"

"I don't know. Does it look wrong?"

"Yeah. It's not all soft and squishy. It looks hard... and overcooked And where's the cheese? It looks like there's no drippy cheese."

"Do you want me to ask them to re-do it?"

"(sigh) No. It'll be okay. It's just not what I was craving. I wanted floppy, cheesy pizza."

So we had our pizza. When the girl came around to check on us, I asked her about the crust. She said if we wanted the soft, squishy crust, we should have ordered the pan style. But we had ordered the regular crust, and it was so disappointing.

So bottom line, I should have listened to my inner voice telling me to save the calories. "Don't eat it if it isn't a 10!" This pizza was a 4, at best. Ugh.

We were determined to make up for that bad choice. Sunday, we went downtown for a street festival, and did quite a bit of walking. We decided to counteract that sub-par pizza we had on Friday night with a slice from a well-known, college-student-frequented hole-in-the-wall dive.

Pie Hole Pizza, served on paper plates, is always a guaranteed home run! Outa the park! And they didn't disappoint.

I had a slice with artichoke heart, jalapeno and onion. Instead of a marinara or alfredo sauce, they used ground mushrooms as the base. It was heaven, and most definitely a "10" on my mouth-watering pizza scale.

Now, if only I can take back those calories I ate Friday night. Grr.

New Size

Just thought I'd drop a note here real quick...

Went shopping today, and although it has been in the back of my mind that my size 14's are getting a little sloppy in the waist, I didn't think I was ready for the next smaller size. I think the reason I thought that was because I have a pair of 13's that I found at a garage sale for a buck, and I was having a hard time buttoning them. They are a button fly, and once on, they just look odd. But, they are a 13, and from what I recently learned about sizes, they are a junior size, and therefore have no hips built in. The misses sizes, being the even numbers...(8, 10, 12, 14, etc.) are made for adult women with normal hour-glass shapes. Junior odd sizes are for girls who have yet to develop their "child bearing hips". :-)
So I grabbed a pair of clearance jeans from the rack today. I carried them around until I just finally broke down and decided to try them on. I swear... I'll never get used to holding up a pair of pants that look so extremely small for me, and then finding out they fit. It's such a weird feeling pulling them on.
In the dressing room, you take them off the hanger, and open the button and zipper. You hold them up to put one leg in, and they look like a child's pair of pants. But then, you pull them up. And you get them over your butt, and then you zip and button them. Holy cow. They fit.
I stood there looking at myself wearing a pair of size 12's. A minute before, I thought I'd be standing there with them gaping open, and cursing myself for even trying to squeeze into this next size so soon. But instead, I wanted to burst out of the dressing room and tell anyone within earshot, that "THEY FIT!!! I'M IN A 12, PEOPLE!!!"
I refrained from making a fool of myself. I think the women milling around the clearance racks at JC Penny's would not have been amused. On the other hand, I might have missed my one and only opportunity for a serious round of applause! Darn.

Who is this healthy girl?

It just occurred to me, that if this is real, solid weight loss, and not just a spell or a fluke, then I've lost 80 lbs!
Let me think back for a minute... My original weight was 256. (Ugh.) I set my initial goal for 90 lbs, then revised to 86 lbs, so I could end at an even weight of 170. (Thank you, OCD.)
I am currently 176. Am I really only 6 lbs from my goal?? How did this happen? Where have I been? Sometimes I feel like I've stepped out of my own body, and someone else is running the show. Once in a while, I step back into my skin, and say WHOA!! Who is this person with all the motivation and the thin thighs? LOL
This is awesome. I love becoming the person I should have been all along. Having energy and having my brain tell me what's good for me is normal now. That brain thing is important. I used to hate having my conscience make me feel guilty everytime I reached for a cookie. It feels good to know I can have one, but choose not to. And if I choose to, I know what it takes to have it NOT show up on my hips again.
This is great. Plus, I weigh 8 lbs less than Bunna now. Isn't that the way it should be? Boyfriends should weigh more. It just seems right that way.

Thinner

Remember that Stephen King book, called "Thinner"? It had to do with an overweight man that made a gypsy mad, and she put a spell on him to lose weight until he died. At first he thought it was his diet, then he realized he could eat anything and everything, and still lose weight.
I think I'm kind of at that point, although to admit it we seem to kind of jinx myself.
I feel like for the past couple weeks, I've paid attention to my portions and food choices, but have not stuck exactly to the plan as I designed it 7 months ago. For the past couple weeks, I've allowed myself to have restaurant dinners and an occasional sweet treat, but I have consistently been losing weight anyway.
Over the weekend, Bunna and I went out for calzones, then I went to a festival downtown and my son and I each had a pizza slice. Normally, that kind of thing would throw me off the next morning.
But all my indiscretions have only left me feeling like more of a normal eater. I want to be one of that group of healthy people that can have whatever they want, and still maintain a healthy weight. I think something has clicked in my metabolism that has gotten me nearly there.
How awesome is it to start out the weekend weighing 180, have a couple of cheats, and still weigh in on Monday morning 4 lbs lighter? Strange, right? I think the metamorphosis is beginning for real. Granted, I did a bit of walking over the weekend, and stuck to low cal snacks for the most part, but it's almost as if I'm the character from the book.
Seriously, the Tour de Fat festival I went to on Saturday is known for its really strange participants, crazy entertainment, and spectacles. (BTW, the Tour de Fat is a charitable party benefiting all things bicycle, put on by the New Belgium Brewing Co.) But it's highly likely I ran into a gypsy, maybe literally, that put this spell on me. How else do you explain this steady weight loss?
Yep, I've been hyp-m0-tized. LOL

Water Park

Let's see... where do I start? I've got a lot of things on my mind...

First of all, I have to say, I am so thankful to all the inspiration and support I got when I first started this new eating plan. If it weren't for the mental and emotional push I got from a certain family member, I would never have devised this little plan for myself, and I would not be where I am today. Thanks to my very special sister... you gave me the spark!! Love you. :-)

Secondly, I want to tell you about my water park experience last night. I haven't been to our water park in about 5 years, and that's mostly because I wasn't comfortable in a swimsuit. I refused to go and be one of those self-conscious parents that can't interact with their kids because they can't bear to wear a bathing suit. So instead, I just avoided the place altogether.

But when Bunna came home with the news that his employer was closing the water park for a private party, the timing couldn't have been better! Seventy-seven pounds lighter, and ready to play on the water slides! I had enough time to do some shopping, and found not one but TWO new suits that are both perfect for water slides! Both very modest tank/shorts styles.

So last night, we took off after work for the 8-11 pm party. We were all so excited to get out on such a hot day! The weather couldn't have been better! It was about 100 during the day, and only dropped to around 80 by the time we got to the park.

Going on all the slides as fast as we could was our main goal! We rode group raft slides, and 2-man slides and floated on the Endless River. We body surfed in the Wave Pool, and defied gravity on the Avalanche! And with almost no lines, we were able to actually run up the stairs! That's the best way to burn calories! Racing for first place in the line!

My absolute favorite ride is one they call Viper's Vortex. They put this one in a couple years ago, so this was my first time on it! What a rush! Imagine a big toilet bowl, with a slide entering the bowl on the inside edge, and a drain in the middle. You ride a raft full speed down a dark, steep slide and shoot out into the bowl. The challenge is to see how many times you can circle the bowl before it sucks you into the drain and you shoot out into the wading pool below. My son and I managed to make it 3 times around! Awesome!

The other raft rides were also new to me, but the rules were familiar. "Heaviest in the back". But this time on this visit to the park, I was not the heaviest. As a matter of fact, I was the lightest! Granted, Bunna and I are virtually the same weight, him being only about 4-5 lbs heavier than me. And my son, who is taller than both of us at 6'1", weighs about 30 lbs more. So on all the rides where I used to be the one facing forward, suddenly now I have to be the one going backwards! That made for a whole new experience!

But overall, it was a fantastic time! Being the huge, mega-fan of the TV show "WIPEOUT!", I couldn't help but re-name all the slides.

"Mammoth Canyon" is now "Sucker Punch" because I think I got a foot to the face when we banked up one of the tunnel walls. "Avalanche" is now "Big Balls" because that's what it takes to get up the nerve to go on that one!

And of course, "Viper's Vortex" is now the "Spin Cycle".

The water park is, in my book, the happiest place on earth. There's nothing better than spending time with your family, screaming and laughing, and truly having fun! And I'm so sorry I missed out on it for so long.

Look out, Roaring Springs! I'm back! ...how much is a season pass??

Vacation update.

It's been forever since I sat here and typed an entry with any real substance. I suppose I should update everything from weight to food choices now. Plus, I've been home from vacation for a week now, and haven't really posted anything from that trip.

Vacation was great. We planned on trying to stick to our calorie plan/schedule as much as possible, but vacations have a way of knocking you off track.

We started off great, filling the cooler for the 10 hour drive with water and Clif Bars. For the first couple of days, we had to hit a couple of restaurants before reaching my Mom's house, so I tried to stick with salads and proteins. I did fine, for awhile.

The first night at my Mom's, she had made lasagna for dinner. Don't think I didn't enjoy that! Yummy, gooey noodles, sauce and meat with delicious garlic bread.

Over the next few days, I got through the mornings watching everyone else eating fried eggs and toast, while I snacked on grapes and cantaloupe, and the occasional bran muffin.

For dinners, there was pizza one night, tacos the next. Then pizza again! LOL

One night, while we were in Santa Cruz, we spent a few hours at the Boardwalk. If you're not familiar with it, it is an amusement park right on the beach, with all the famous seaside treats! Salt-water taffy... corndogs...cotton candy... The last time I was there, I rode most of the rides, but there was an incident where I couldn't fit on one of the rides. This trip, I rode everything I wanted to, and there were no safety issues when the security bars wouldn't go over my tummy.

I swore that since we don't make the trip often, that I would have a corndog while I was there. But, alas, I did not. Bunna had one, and I nibbled a little off the edge of his. :-)

The final destination on this trip was my family reunion. Everyone brings a side dish, and we all bbq hamburgers and hot dogs. There are always plenty of homemade dips and desserts, so the eating, or "grazing", goes on pretty much all day.

I tried to maintain myself, but I'm a sucker for a good guacamole, and there were at least two really great ones at the picnic. Don't think I passed those up!

By the time I got back home, I hadn't weighed myself in days. I was only hoping for the best, but had my doubts about my success in maintaining.

When I left for vacation, I think I was weighing about 180.2. When I got back I was 2-3 lbs heavier. But since then, I'm back on track; back to that pre-vacation weight. This morning I was weighing at 180.4.

The doctor told me at my last appointment a few weeks ago, that I should just maintain for 3-4 weeks, and then if I still wanted to lose more, that I could stand to lose just another 15 more. I actually had more like 20-25 in mind, but I'll take one day at a time. For now, maintaining within a 3-4 pound range suits me fine.

So happy to be home!

On July 24, I weighed 182.4. Just before I left on vacation on August 6, I weighed 180.4. When I got home from vacation, I weighed 183.6, and now this morning, I'm back to 182.4.
These little fluctuations don't bother me. The doctor told me when I saw her, that a 3-4 lb change is always something we can deal with. It's when it gets up to 10 lbs that it starts getting difficult.
I'm still doing fine, considering the doctor told me to kind of "maintain" for about 3-4 weeks.

I ordered new work uniforms, and although the new size shirt fits great, the carrier coulottes are a bit small, but they have always run a little smaller than a typical pant size. When I started this, I was wearing a men's size 18 shirt. That's a collar measurement, folks. Now I'm wearing a men's size 15. The skorts/coulottes I wore in the beginning were probably a 26 ladies size, and now I'm in a 16. But the 16 is like a 14, and the 14 I just ordered is like a 12, so there's no wonder it's still too small.
Oh well, these sizes will all be a blur when I get down to where I want to be. All this transition stuff will be a memory. I want to wear an 11, and that's final! :-)
I'm having my coffee now, and will have my apple in about an hour. Then my egg beaters, and then leave for work. More fruit, and maybe a Clif bar, and then it will be dinner time. Hmmm... what's on the menu? No clue. But I know it won't be corndogs and pineapple upside down cake!

Back from vacation.

We're back from vacation, and apparently, the changing of beds every night took its toll on my back. By the time we got on the road yesterday to head home on the last 7 hour leg of the drive, I was in so much pain. Bunna drove, and I whimpered all the way from Tahoe to Boise. :-(
I'm anxious to get back on track, but I feel so bad all I want to do is have my coffee and lay on a heating pad today.
I did weigh this morning, and whether it's the water retention from the drive, or the small piece of pineapple upside-down cake I had on Saturday, I'm up three pounds. No biggy. That's an easy fix. This vacation was bound to have temptations, but that's just the way family and gatherings are. Once I feel better, and get back on my schedule, I'll be under 180 again!

One last thing...

Okay... yes, we're leaving! Vacation can't come soon enough! But I just wanted to put one more progress entry on the blog before I go. Got up this morning to a beautiful 180.4 on the scale. That's 76 lbs now.
Hopefully, I come back from California weighing less, or at the very least, the same! I've got to crank up the will power! Family reunions and Boardwalk food will be a big temptation!

Moving slowly down...

Woke up this morning to a bit of a loss... Scale says 181.6, so that's a full 75 pounds! Woohoo! Yay, me! LOL
Leaving for vacation tomorrow. We'll plan on taking plenty of water and Clif Bars in the car for our 10 hour drive. I'll be watching my calories carefully, so I can work in a Boardwalk corndog when I get to Santa Cruz! :-)
Might not get another entry in until I get back on the 9th of August, but until then, know that I'm shocking the heck out of my friends and family back home. LOL
I'll get some good photos up when I get back. Have a great week!

Time to "stabilize".

Alrighty! Went to the doctor yesterday, and all is well... so far. They took some blood for labs, and we'll see if everything comes out good. Hopefully, we'll find out that my cholesterol is normal, and all my vitamins are at good levels.
The doctor was happy that I'd lost the weight. The first thing she asked was whether or not I'd been using any diet pills or if I had had surgery! LOL Oh no... not THIS girl. That kind of elective surgery is not for me.
She was happy that I had done it the old fashioned way, with cutting calories and burning more than I eat. She wasn't too concerned about the speed that I lost it. It's slowed down considerably. She actually told me that after losing 75 lbs in less than 6 months, my body was bound to need time to readjust. "Stabilize" is the word she used. So if I maintain this weight for another couple weeks or so, it's not a big issue. I'll give myself time to get used to this weight, then by the end of August, I'll start really pushing again, and maybe by Christmas, I'll get that last 15 off.
I weighed in at 183 on her scale, so mine at home isn't off like I thought it was. This morning at home, I'm 182.4 again, same as I was last Saturday.
As far as my blood pressure meds go, she's going to leave me on the same dosage for the next three weeks, and then I'll see her again. In the meantime, I'm to log my BP every other day or so, and keep track of my heart rate. etc. My heart rate is sometimes as low as 55 right when I wake up, before I get out of bed. She said that's good for an athlete. But I'm not an athlete. So it might be that the meds are making it a little too low.
It's possible that I could be on the meds indefinitely, just because it's a genetic thing. I inherited my high blood pressure from somewhere up the line. But she thinks she might be able to lower the dose, once we get an idea where my pressure is on this dosage. That's good news. As far as I'm concerned, the fewer the pills, or the lower the dosage, the better.
All and all, a good visit. The doctor emphasized that I need to make sure I'm learning how to eat, and not get used to just eating the low-cal food that I've been losing weight with. I've been working on that, by incorporating a lot more different foods into my diet. Still counting calories, and limiting myself, but allowing myself to eat some of my favorites.
They've been taking care of me for 14 years now, and I trust their opinions. I'm glad I finally took their advice and did something about the weight. I think by losing this weight, I've added a few quality years to my life. :-)

Splash, Sucker!

Standing on the bridge over the Boise River, we were watching all the adventurous people floating down on tubes and rafts, trying to keep cool on a very hot summer day.

Standing next to me and my friend was a man, who was also watching the people float. I made a comment to my friend that there was a shirtless man just coming out of the water that might not feel it yet, but his sunburn would probably keep him awake that night. She asked, "Which one?" I pointed him out, and the man next to us said, "The fat one."

I made a comment to him to the effect that I wouldn't have used that word, but yes, that was who I was talking about.

What I got out of this little exchange is this: Seventy-five pounds ago, that man on the bridge with us would probably never have said a word. He, hopefully, would have had enough tact to not say the word "fat" around me, since 5 1/2 months ago, I was most definitely fat, and would likely be offended.

But these days, I'm not the fat girl so much anymore, so an insensitive stranger felt it was okay to use that word, because he didn't think I'd be offended...?

The fact is, I was kind of offended. I don't like when people use that word to describe someone. I would hope there would be a less offensive way to describe someone who is a bit heavy, or a lot heavy. I got the feeling that man expected my friend and I to laugh with him.

I didn't laugh. I could barely even respond to him. I should have pushed him in the river. :-)

182.4

My weight has gone down only 4/10's in a couple days. No surprise, though. Last night we were out running around and decided to just grab a salad at restaurant.

We could have easily just drove through any fast food place and had a quick "side salad". That would have filled me up and been plenty until morning.

But noooooo. We couldn't do any thing that simple. We went out of our way to go to a fun place downtown that, on a Friday night at 7, was packed to the gills. By the time we got our table, we had been inhaling the smells of delicious comfort food so long, that our taste buds were crying out for something yummy!

You see, this restaurant has been featured on Food Network, and is one of the best hamburger/comfort food places in Boise. You just don't go to "Donnie Mac's Trailer Park Cuisine" and get a salad.
So we ordered food that we had been craving, and that we wouldn't normally order. Bunna ordered Finger Steaks. For those of you that have never heard of them, they are strips of tender beef, battered and deep fried. Some people like them, but they're not for me.
I ordered a Reuben. Yummy, corned beef and sauerkraut with Swiss cheese on marbled rye. That and a side of sweet potato fries, and this girl was in Heaven.

I'm guessing that the sandwich and fries were about 8-900 calories. Add those to the calories I had during the day, and I ended with a total of about 1400. Not too far over my normal day's intake, but enough to have another "maintaining" day.

So we had a little splurge. But I saved a few calories by ordering only water! :-)

Doctor Appointment next week!

It's Friday! And I've got mixed feelings about my doctor appointment on Tuesday.
On the one hand, I think the doctor will be happy that I've lost the weight. On the other hand, I hate springing it on her by just showing up in her waiting room, looking unlike I did 6 months ago. That probably wouldn't bother most people, but I'm the type that hates surprising people. (For the same reason, I absolutely hate practical jokes!)
But I'll be going in with my son for his school physical. He'll go in first, then I'll have to face the doc when he's done. I just hope she is okay with my plan, and more importantly, I hope my blood work comes back perfectly healthy! I've always had a decent cholesterol level, although my triglycerides have been a bit off. I've been taking my D vitamins, Multi-, and fish oil religiously. That, hopefully, will be evident in my results, and she'll be okay with my weight loss.
I haven't been losing too quickly. In the beginning, it seemed to fall off, but I'm sure that's because I was so large to begin with, it just came off faster. Now that I'm pretty close to my goal weight, the loss has slowed down a bunch! I am lucky if I lose a pound a week now.
No worries. I said in the beginning, I'd be close to goal in August, but it might take me until the new year until I reach my ideal weight. I'm okay with that. I'm totally enjoying being smaller, and stronger, and more confident.
Now... let's see. Should I wear 3 or 4 layers of clothes to my doctor appointment? And only peel them off when it's time to weigh? That would lessen the shock to my favorite medical professionals. I don't want them to faint. :-)

182.8

Yesterday was a bad day, all day. I couldn't get over the feelings that had come up during the morning. It was NOT a day that I would wish on anyone.
But I got through it, and until, or unless there are repercussions from my admitting my weight here in the blog, I'll be fine.
I have to say again though, I'm not a person that keeps anything in. Secrets are not my favorite thing. And having to do the math, and keep from blurting out my real weight has been a big burden. I'm going to be much happier just saying it like it is.
So this morning, I weighed, and am proud to say, I am 182.8 pounds. :-) That brings our total to..........((((((drumroll)))))))) .........Seventy-four pounds! Only twelve more to go!
I think I'll fit comfortably in a 13 when I reach 170. That's the weight I was in high school, when the "Boots" story came about. But my eventual goal will be to fit into an 11 again. I think the weight calculators say that a healthy weight for my height will be between 150-167. I'll be darned close!
Oh, and BTW... Bunna is being his typical, un-dramatic self. He's not talking about anything that went on yesterday, from my admission, to my nervous breakdown. It's all back to normal. He did, however, tell me that he is going to stop weighing until there is a bigger span in our weights. He gets that the scale is thinking we are the same person, and he wants me to have my scale to myself for awhile, so there's no electronic confusion.
That's all we need in this house is another type of confusion. We've already got plenty of that!

Emotional Milestone

This is it. I'm freakin' out. I knew this day would eventually come, but I didn't know how emotional I'd be. It could have been a simple conversation, but it turned into me bawling my eyes out.
This morning, I weighed. Then Bunna came downstairs and weighed. I looked over his shoulder, and it weighed, to the tenth, the same as I weighed.
So, now, I realize why, over the past couple weeks, my scale has been lying to me. The numbers have been up and down and erratic. We know that my scale has a memory, and that it holds that memory for up to 24 hours. Anyone weighing themselves more often than once a day is going to get the same reading each time, whether it's morning or evening. But he and I weigh the same now. So close, that the scale thinks we are the same person.
So here's the kicker. In order to explain to Bunna what's going on with the scale, I had to admit to him my original starting weight. That was awful; embarrassing, humiliating, scary.
I started by saying, "We weigh the same now, and the scale thinks we're the same person." At this point, I could have just waited for him to do the math. But I continued, trying to purge myself of all the guilt.
Then slowly and carefully, I mouthed the words, and I heard myself say, "Bunna, 74 lbs ago, I weighed 256 lbs."
He just stared at me, and tried to change the subject. I think he was in shock. Then I just lost it. Tears, apologies, and a wretched guilt.
I knew at some point I was going to have to fess up, and spill my guts to him. But he's not always real good at reading my emotions, so it's been difficult for me to get to the point where I can talk to him about this without feeling like he's sweeping it under the rug.
This is a huge step for me. Telling him, and admitting in this blog the truth. I never thought I'd be able to do it. There are a lot of people reading this that I might not be comfortable telling face to face.
But for crying out loud! It's just a number, right? True, it represents years of self-abuse, and disregard for my health. I'm not proud of those things. For years, I've felt like the lazy one, but in fact, I think it's been much more of an emotional eating disorder. I'm still working through it all.
But anyway, it is just a number. And it's in the past. And like every other little misstep in my life, we get past it and get over it, and live for today. I won't ever see that weight again, so I can just talk about it here, and then forget it. From now on, I will speak in current numbers. I am going to use my current weight, and not my "weight lost" when I talk about progress.
OMG. Am I really going to post this? Here I go!

Out of hibernation.

My scale, as you probably know, has been asleep for about a week or so. It's been refusing to work, and just says the same thing every time I talk to it.
Well, this morning, it woke up. I jumped on, and it said, "Good morning, friend! You have lost 73lbs!"
I am so happy to have my friend back from his deep sleep. And not only have I lost 73, I am only 2/10's from weighing 74 lbs less than 5 1/2 months ago!
I thought I might make my goal of 86 lbs before vacation starts on August 30, but it's not likely. I will be darn close though! Only 13 more to go! Yay!!

More of the same.

Tomorrow morning, I swear, if that darn scale doesn't say something different... I'm gonna... Well, I guess I'll go buy a new one. :-)
Last time I talked about that scale, I suggested that maybe the aliens had replaced mine with a joke scale that never changed. I truly believe that happened.
It's been over a week... since somewhere around the 9th.. since my scale has said anything different than what it says every morning now. And I don't mean approximately. I mean, to the tenth, the same. Strange. How can a person really maintain so well that their weight is not one tenth above or below the previous day... for over a week?
Okay, fine. I'll stop complaining about the scale. But by God, tomorrow morning, if it says the same thing I've seen for days, I'm going to toss it out the window!
Then I'll go outside, and gently pick it up, apologize to it, and put it back on my kitchen floor. I can't abandon it now. It's been with me for a lot of pounds that were lost. It knows where I've been, and I would bet, considering I have to stand on it each day, it's pretty happy I'm 71 lbs lighter.

Size Matters

Back on April 13, I had lost about 45 lbs and in my post entitled, "Closet Woes", I mentioned that I had a small dress that I had picked up at a thrift store to use as my "goal dress".

Since then, I've lost another 26... a total of 71, and that dress actually fits!

All this time I thought it was a 13, but in fact, it's a 15. It makes sense that it should fit now, since I've been wearing size 14 jeans for awhile now. But what took so long for it to fit, was the fact that the zipper is on the side, and I had a hard time getting it up with one hand. LOL

Regardless, it fits. It's not the most fashionable dress, mind you. Considering where I bought it, it was probably a Mervyn's special back in '03. :-)

But it's not the colors or the style that matters. In this case.... SIZE MATTERS. And I can fit into a size 15 dress! Yay!

Oh, and I just gotta say.................. "Ain't I cute???" LOL

Shopping is fun!

Having a good day so far! Weighed, and the scale is saying I've lost 71 lbs. Of course, it said that last week, and then it bounced up and down for a few days. I think it's going to stay down this time.
Went shopping and grabbed a pair of shorts off the rack, and without any hesitation, they slipped right up and buttoned easily. I've been wearing size 14 for a couple weeks now, and these that I bought today are also a 14. But it still amazes me that I can just walk into a store and grab something that fits, without having to take into account thigh circumference, etc. :-)
Three more weeks until I go on vacation, and I'll be happy to go. I may or may not lose any more substantial weight between now and then, but I'm satisfied with my size now. If it takes me until the first of the year to get all the way where I want to be, well that's okay. I will eventually be 90 lbs lighter than my original weight, and I wouldn't have been able to say that if I hadn't taken that first step 5+ months ago. Whew!!

Define "temporary"...

Plateau (pla to') n. 1. a temporary halt in progress.

Really? Temporary? Hmmm. Maybe I should look up "temporary" now. I honestly think my scale is broken. On a whim, I weighed myself last night, after dinner. And surprise, surprise. It weighed me the same last night as it did yesterday morning, as it did this morning.
Either the aliens have switched my scale for a joke scale that never changes, or I'm on a serious plateau. Nothing has changed, to the tenth of a pound, for three days. Odd, to say the least.
Maybe I need to go shopping for another scale.
I think after losing 70 lbs, my body has a right to slow down and smell the roses. Time to adjust... we all need it. I'll give it another couple days, then I'm calling out the big guns! I'll go RUNNING!
For a long time, I've known my scale was off a little. Four pounds, to be exact. That is based on what the medical, slide-type scale says at the gym. Yesterday, at the gym, I used their scale to check the difference with mine, and sure enough, that four pounds was there.
It doesn't change what I've lost, since I've based all my progress on my home scale. But it does keep me aware that when I go to the doctor later this month, I will have to be prepared for that four pounds to be there. Her scale is the authority on weight. The God of Poundage.
And I will bow down to it when I get there... and pray for mercy.

Last night's menu.

Yesterday was so warm out, and since I work outdoors, the last thing I wanted to do was heat up the kitchen when I got home. But, last night, I had the most delicious dinner! I started with my basic iceberg salad, with tomato and sliced hard-boiled egg. Some light ranch, and a sprinkle of shredded cheese, and it was just what the doctor ordered. Cool and light.
For my main course, I put a turkey burger on the Foreman. (200 calories) The man at the fruit stand gave us a a big container of his salsa to take home and try, so I used a couple of spoonsful of that on top of my burger. He makes the salsa with chunks of avocado, tomato, and serranos, then adds rough-cut cilantro and a squeeze of lime. It was so good, and HOT! :-)
Fresh and delicious, and the perfect compliment to the turkey burger!
I think all together, the dinner was probably under 450 calories! That was so good, I think I'll have the same thing tonight!

Who's the boss?

I've been getting back to basics on my menu lately. No substituting. Just eating what I know. It seems to be the only way for my body to understand I mean business.
First thing in the morning, it's coffee. Bold and black. Yum. :-) By 8:30, I have my apple (70 calories.) Around 11, I have 3/4 cup of egg beaters (90 calories), microwaved for 3 minutes. So easy.
Before I leave for work at 12:45, I have all my pills. My blood pressure pills, my multi-vitamin, my extra calcium, my omega threes, and some aspirin. (I'm still on aspirin therapy since my blood clot incident back in '96.)
I also mix up a sugar-free green tea powder/ Benefiber glass of water to take all my pills with. The green tea curbs my appetite, I think. And the extra fiber helps fill me up until my next snack.
I usually won't have anything else until 3:00 when I have another apple. Then, I have a fiber bar or Clif Kids bar (130 calories) at 4:00. Another 100 calorie bar at 5, and a cheese stick (80 calories) at 5:30. All that fills me up, and when I get home from work at 6:30, I'm ready for dinner, but not starving.
Dinner is an iceberg salad (200 calories), and a protein. We've got the turkey burgers in the freezer, so lately, we've been putting a couple of those on the Foreman. One burger is 200 calories, and I just put a little pepper and salt on it, and maybe a drop of A-1.
My snacks during the day add up to between 5-600 calories, and my dinner is usually around 400.
I've got to show my body who is boss! Take no prisoners! Show no mercy!!
I weighed today, and have lost 71 lbs. I am in charge of my future!!

More measurements.

Since my weight is taking its time moving down, I thought I'd look for another form of motivation, so I decided to take measurements again. It's been since the middle of May since I've done that.
Turns out, of the three measurements I took in May, there is not that much of a difference. In May, my bra line was 36", and now it's 35". My waist has stayed the same: 35" then and now. But my hips were 43". Now they are 41 1/2". That's encouraging! I should probably be measuring my thighs and arms, too, but that's a little scary. My skin is taking its time shrinking back in those areas, and I'm looking a little wrinkly.
But hey! What's worse? Skin full of fat, or skin wrinkly because the fat is gone? That's a tough call, but I'll go with the skin minus the fat, thank you. That's what Spanx are for, right?

Dairy Queen

Summer is here, and one of my favorite after dinner treats is now pretty much out of the question. I'm sad that a large DQ cherry dipped cone, my favorite, is 670 calories. The medium size is 480, and the small is 330. I could possibly work a kids' size into my daily allowance, if I watch my intake the rest of the day. A kids' size cherry dipped cone is 220 calories.
Why is it that the yummy stuff is always the stuff that sticks to your thighs? Someone needs to come up with a sugar-free, fat-free cherry dipped cone that is less than 100 calories! (sigh)

Super 70's!

Looking back, I had set a goal for myself of 50 lbs by the end of April, and I accomplished that, with a couple days to spare. Here it is, two months later, and another goal has been met... but a couple days late.
It is now July 2, and I've hit the 70 lb mark! I've known over the last couple days that it was within range, but the way my body has been resisting my efforts, I didn't know when I would hit that milestone. This morning, I weighed, and am just 2/10's inside the 70 lb mark! (You know I love my tenths!)
Pretty often lately, I've had my dinners alone. Everyone has somewhere they have to be, and I come home from work to have my big green salad and Boca Burger all alone. I love my Boca Burgers, with just a little of some kind of sauce for variety. Earlier this week, I ran across some mango-coconut-hot sauce that is so good! I bought it because I thought it might taste similar to the sauce they use at the Bonefish Grill on their Bang-Bang Shrimp. I was hoping to find a simple way to make that awesome shrimp at home. But it turns out, the sauce is a little too mango-y, and not like the Bang-Bang sauce at all. Although, it will make a good shrimp, I'm sure! I might have to try that this weekend...
Anyway, meals have been small, with few temptations since the house is empty at night. Good thing I don't have to cook for the cat. If I had to make him tortellini every night, I'd be in trouble!

Happy July!

Happy July! I thought I'd better put a little something on my blog, in case there are actually people out there reading it, and expecting to hear news of a great breakthrough or something. Well, dream on, people. This week has been one of those up and down weeks. My scale will say 67, then 68, then 69 lbs lost. Then the next morning, I'm back to 67. Nothing's changed in my eating, except I did have a handful of York Pieces. :-) And I made sure I added those to my daily calorie count. I'm still blaming my lack of weight loss on water retention.
I'm sticking faithfully to my plan, and I've substituted a Clif Bar here and there for berries and grapes. Summertime fruits are the best! Probably higher in sugar than other snacks I could choose, but I'm okay with that. If fresh food is available and I can work it into my day's allotment, I'll be okay with the scale leveling out for a few days. No biggy.
This weekend is the Fourth of July holiday. There will no doubt be temptations everywhere, but I'll be good. The last couple weekends, I've gone off my plan a bit, but still kept my daily intake to close to 1400 calories. That's enough to "maintain", but not to lose. It's a good reminder, though, that when I've lost all I want to lose, I'll be able to maintain it easily enough.
Let's hope that by Monday, my scale and I are on good terms again, and I can hit that 70lb mark! Fingers crossed!

Dehydrated.

I'm at that point during the month where I would be retaining water, and I expect to not lose anything for a day or two. I seem to level out for a couple days, then when my body un-bloats, I can sometimes lose 3 lbs in one week.
This morning I weighed and I've lost 68 lbs, but I'm not exactly convinced that that last pound is one that won't sneak back on tomorrow.
You see, last night, I had a couple of alcoholic drinks. :-) I decided to skip any mixers or juice, and just drink gin over ice. I actually like it that way. Mixers can be so sweet!
Anyway, the possibility of me being slightly dehydrated this morning is pretty good. And I think that one extra pound that I saw disappear when I got on the scale, might just be a result of the alcohol. Strange though, that at the same time I'm all bloaty and retaining water, I can also be so dehydrated to lose two pounds in two days. You'd think those two things would balance themselves out.
Anyway, I suppose once I get all my fluids back in, and the bloating goes away, I'll get a more accurate weight. In a couple days, I'll hopefully be able to say I've lost the 68 and it's staying gone.

Sausage-Pancake Nuggets!

Whew! Dodged a bullet today! Dumb me, went to the store on an empty stomach, just to pick up a couple things, and found myself holding a box of delicious looking little sausage nuggets wrapped in pancake. It was a box of 9 little pieces of heaven, at 240 calories per serving... a serving being 3 pieces.
I stood there holding them, imagining how good they'd be, and wondering if I could bring them home and only eat one... just to try it. Finally, I just put them back and ran... (okay, walked REALLY fast) to the check-out.
Still reeling over my near knee-buckling experience in the frozen foods, I mentioned to the clerk what I had moments ago been considering buying, as a snack. She and I agreed that eating one would lead to two, which would probably lead to buying a case and locking ourselves in a room with the little breakfast nuggets and a microwave, for at least two hours. Not a great way to spend a Saturday. Good thing I had the smarts to put them down.
Once in the car, I grabbed a Fiber One bar, (130 calories) out of a newly purchased box, and congratulated myself. :-)

Summer FUN!

Today is Thursday, June 24th, and I've lost 67 lbs. Only five weeks until I make my yearly drive from Southern Idaho to the Bay Area to see my family for our annual reunion. I've been sending photos, so they have an idea of my transformation, but so far, the only person from California to see what I've lost, has been my Mom. She was here a couple weeks ago.
Each year, when we go down to my family's place, there are things to do involving swimsuits. There's the pool, there's the beach... I have always pulled on my big girl suit and jumped in, knowing I looked years older than my real age, since I was carrying around so much extra weight.
This year, although I might not yet be at my goal, my suit will fit a bit more normally with a lot less jiggle.
And going to the Boardwalk in Santa Cruz will be fun again! I remember a couple years ago when we went to the Boardwalk, I was too big and uncomfortable to ride many rides. And these are the rides I've been riding since I was a kid. There are roller coasters, ferris wheels and thrill rides! I did, however, agree to get on one with my son. I think they call it the Fireball. It's a big wheel that lifts and spins. It goes fast and high!
It was a cool night, and I had a sweatshirt on. We waiting in the line, and got into our seats, and when it came time for the attendant to buckle us in, she had trouble with mine. The bar that comes down over your shoulders, wouldn't come far enough over me to snap safely. How humiliating. Everyone else was secured, and watching and waiting for me to get buckled in. She finally got it down, and the ride started. I told myself it was because my sweatshirt was so bulky. Helloooooo! Lots of people there had sweatshirts on, and no one else had trouble! Ugh. I was so frightened during that ride. I was sure my harness was going to POP! open and I was going to go flying. That was not fun. :-)
This year, I'm going on everything. I can sit in any ride comfortably. I don't have to be the one that sits in the back of the Log Ride, because I'm too big to sit between someones legs. I don't have to get the water in my face this year! Whooo hooooo! LOL
I don't have to worry about being on the "wrong" side of the Scrambler. You know when it starts spinning, and centrifugal force throws both passengers to one side? You always see one couple with the little person squished against the side. So funny! But so unfair. :-)
I'm no skinny-minny... yet. But I'm a lot better off this year than I was a couple years ago. I'm a lot less self-conscious than I used to be. I'm getting there... slowly.
Still, I think I'll skip the Cheese on a Stick and the deep fried Twinkies. :-)