Thursday, April 29, 2010

It's official. I'm a dork.

Yesterday, I started moving stuff around in my closet again. For some reason, maybe because I don't want to leave myself with a bunch of empty hangers, I've been hanging onto some of my bigger clothes. I've been hesitant to get rid of everything that I've been wearing for the last few years, not because I'm uncertain of my progress, but maybe because I still have that fear of gaining it all back? That's an awful thought! But what are the odds? So many people have lost a lot of weight, and then gained it back. I'd like to think that the ones that gain it back never really had a grip on the problem in the first place. I hope over the last three months, I've identified my issues, and dealt with them. I've seen the light! And I hope to never go back to that dark place again! As of today, I've lost 51 lbs.
So today, and over the next few days, I'll gather up stuff to get rid of. I'll box everything up, and put it in the garage, and let that be the "transition" time for my stuff before I donate it all. Those fat clothes have been there for me for a long time. Baggy jeans, over-sized t-shirts, long sweaters that cover my large back-side... they helped me hide. They were my allies in the war against facing people.
But I'm back to wearing jeans that fit! I've picked up a few cute girly tops that can be tucked in, and I have belts that fit and that don't cut into my stomach when I bend over! No more sweats! No more of anything that doesn't help distinguish me from a man! Girl clothes, please! And lots of 'em!
I tried on a dress last night that had been hiding in the back of my closet. I've had a hard time parting with it, even though it's been too small for many years. I slipped it over my head, zipped it up, and stared in the mirror. It fit! I happy-danced and skipped into my son's room, jumping up and down.
"It fits! I haven't worn this since you were three!"
My 13 year old fashion critic just looked at me, and nodded his approval. I think he's proud of his old mom... but he still thinks I'm a dork. :-)

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

50 lbs in 86 days!

Today is April 28, 2010. I am 86 days into my new life, and I have lost 50 lbs. In less than 90 days...less than 3 months... I have dropped the equivalent of a four year old child!
I have to laugh every time I think about it. What took me so long? I really was calorically irresponsible. Meals were a fun time of cooking and snacking and large portions. I still love a good pizza, and some cheesy nachos, but I don't crave them like I used to.
Someone at work yesterday asked me, very shyly, if I was "dropping it". I wanted to burst out laughing. He must have been so embarrassed to bring it up, but wanted to compliment me and didn't know how to open the subject. I just said, "Dropping it? You mean my weight?" He was very nice, and said I was looking really good. I told him I had been on a "food vacation" for a lot of years, and it was finally time I snapped out of it. He nodded knowingly. He's no skinny-minny himself, and I think he understood what I meant.
My good friends at work know what's up, and they give me the thumbs up from across the room, or just ask me "how much now?" as we pass in a hallway. There's a lot of support from the people at work. There are so many of us, in so many shapes and sizes, and we've all worked together for so many years, we're like family. We care about each other's health, and we rally around when someone needs a boost or a friend. I work with a great group.
There are a few co-workers that I only see on rare occasions, because of their schedule, or because they work out of one or more offices. If I run into them once every 2 or 3 months, that's a lot. There's one girl that works out of my office that has been out for medical leave for about 3 months. I remember before she left we had been standing in a group discussing something, and out of the corner of my eye, I could see her looking at my stomach. I thought to myself at the time... "is my zipper down, or is she just in awe of how much weight I've gained?" She's a sweet lady, and would never say a mean word to me, but I think she was sizing me up. She was probably just realizing how big I had gotten.
Well, she's still on medical leave, but she'll be back soon. Won't she be surprised at how my tummy has disappeared? I've lost about 10 inches around my middle since Feb. 2.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010


Yesterday, as I was waiting for my son to come to the car after baseball, I cleaned out the console in the center of my front car seats. In that little box, I found sunglasses, receipts, and cds. But I also found some coupons that expired back in January. Those coupons were my dirty little secret.
Before I started eating healthy, if fast-food coupons came in the mail, I'd put them in the car. Then if I had a free morning, I'd use the coupons. There were buy-one-get-one coupons for McMuffins and Sonic Breakfast Burritos. I could eat two, no problem. But there was the guilt. I knew they were so bad for me, and that they were full of fat and calories. But that's why I was sneaking out in the morning to eat them alone.
Holy cow. I never thought of myself as having an "eating disorder", but that is textbook! Hiding my eating? My secret binging was a huge contributor to my weight gain.

Monday, April 26, 2010

April Goal

I took the advice of my very smart sister, and started eating an apple as my first snack of the day. Apparently, by eating the fruit on an empty stomach, it digests way more efficiently, and helps keep your tract clean, too!
I used to not be able to eat an apple on an empty stomach. For some reason, it made me a little nauseous. Whether it was from the acid or the sugars, I don't know. But now, I have my coffee first, and then an apple sometime around 9-10am. Then I have my Eggbeaters around noon, and I'm good to go.
I had a good weekend of activity. Got a lot of yardwork done, and aside from the stiff neck and slightly sore lower back, I'm in good shape. I'm going to make that goal of 50 lbs by the end of April!
I weighed this morning, and have lost 49 lbs now! Wooooo hooooo!

Friday, April 23, 2010

Thanks, Organs.

A good friend of mine told me a story years ago, and I still remember it because it was one of those things that kept me always aware of my weight.
The story went that he and some co-workers were sitting around the table in the break room at work, discussing a magazine article where a woman had lost 100 lbs.
One of the girls said, "If I lost one hundred pounds, I'd disappear!" My friend said, sadly, "If I lost 100 lbs, I'd still be here."
As I put on more and more weight, I always thought of that comment. I had gotten so big that if suddenly, I were to become 100 lbs lighter, I would still exist. I wouldn't disappear. The organs in my body that God intended to function for a 150 lb body were supporting a body much, much larger!
Thanks to my friend for telling me that story years ago. It was funny then, but now, it's a life lesson.
And thanks to my organs for putting up with the extra weight for so many years. I couldn't have done it without you. :-)

Thursday, April 22, 2010

40 lbs Overweight

I was thinking... When I originally set my goal at 90 lbs, people looked at me like I was nuts. I got comments like, "You don't need to lose that much!" and "Don't get all anorexic on us!" and "Where are you hiding it?". I don't think they were just being nice. I honestly think people didn't see the weight on me that much. Everyone is just accustomed to me being bigger and taller, and when the weight started adding up, people close to me didn't realize how big I was getting. Well, some did, I'm sure. But a lot of co-workers were probably used to me being a "plus size".
Anyway, my point is this: You didn't think I needed to lose 90 lbs. But now that I've lost nearly 50, can you honestly look at me and say you don't think I need to lose another 40? I think anyone that saw me now for the first time ever would agree. I am currently 40 lbs overweight.
But WOW! That's so much easier to say than admitting to being 90 lbs overweight.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Nine days to lose 3 lbs...

Okay, the scale and I are on good terms again. I have officially lost 47 lbs, and will make my goal of 50 by the end of April.

Fifty pounds?? Is that right? Holy cow. What does 50 lbs of fat look like? I've seen the images of rubber fat on the weight loss shows, but I don't think I've ever seen Oprah stack 50 lbs of it on a table. Ha. I can't imagine!
(In this photo, each "chunk" represents 1lb.)

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Scale down!

My scale is playing tricks on me!
My scale and I have been on good terms for the past 78 days. Almost every day, I see some kind of progress, whether it's a pound or more, or even just a few tenths. I have been very fond of my scale for the past 3 months.
But this morning, it pulled a fast one. I got on the scale and it weighed 47 lbs lost, and then when I weighed again immediately after, it said 46.
My scale has a weird electronic memory. If it's unhappy with what you weigh, it will round it off to the closest pound, minus any tenths.
When I first got on this morning, it weighed me accurately. But when I weighed again, it rounded up. Darn!
I think I'm getting a little obsessive about the tenths.

Monday, April 19, 2010


Happy April 19th! The sky is blue, the sun is shining, and I've broken through the 45 lb barrier!

For over a week, I was bouncing up and down between 43 and 45 lbs. I just couldn't get past that point, and frankly, I was was getting really down about it. Bunna told me we needed a break, and not necessarily a break from the diet, but instead, just a change of scenery. It was a good thing we had planned a weekend away. We both really needed it!
We packed all our low-cal snacks, and planned our meals before we left... for the most part. I did pack some treats for the kids, and when it came right down to it, I shared those treats with them.
Friday night, we had pizza. The kids had their usual pepperoni/Hawaiian/cheese arrangement, and Bunna and I had a thin crust with mushrooms and olives. We had checked the calorie count online first, and decided it was do-able. But it was so good, what should have been a two-piece dinner turned into a 4-piece dinner! Normally, I wouldn't have over indulged, but I knew we were planning an active weekend, so I went ahead and enjoyed. After dinner, we went swimming and played ping-pong, and then came back to the condo where I made chocolate mousse for the guys.
In the morning, I cut up lots of fruit for everyone to start with while I cooked. I made hash browns, scrambled eggs and toast for everyone else. I had also bought blueberry muffins. So everyone had some fruit, and then their big breakfast. I made my eggbeaters, and then drank my coffee while everyone enjoyed their muffins. But I didn't just let them have all the fun! I had a muffin, too. We checked the calories, and it was 380 for the muffin! But again, I knew we would be non-stop over the weekend, so I decided to give myself permission to enjoy.
After a morning of walking, swimming, and more ping-pong, we went to the hot springs. Not much exercise there, except the short hike from the parking lot to the pools. It was a great afternoon of soaking in the mountains and lounging on the sand in the sun. Thank God I had already lost 45 lbs! Going out in a swimsuit is so much easier when you're not dragging a towel around everywhere to cover your fat hams! :-)
Saturday afternoon was spent in town, shopping and walking and being touristy. We stopped for lunch at Subway, and while the kids got the foot-long-baked-cheese-something-or-other, Bunna and I split a foot-long "Jared Special". Low cal, and full of veggies. So good!
Back at the condo, it was more swimming, more ping-pong, and time for dinner. For everyone else, there were hamburgers, rice, green beans and salad. I had a burger, on a bun! Bread has turned into a real treat for me. I have it so very rarely these days.
After dinner, Bunna and I sat down to watch a movie while the kids went swimming. While they were gone, I baked peanut butter cookies. So when the kids returned, we all sat down for a new movie and a treat. I had a couple cups of decaf, and yes! a cookie or two.
It would seem that I went completely hog-wild over the weekend, and lost track of my whole plan. But I didn't. I was aware of what I was eating, and I knew that because of our constant activity, I wouldn't be in trouble. The last thing I want to do is lose focus, and I was on my game all weekend.
My goal since February 2nd has not only been to lose weight. It's also been to change my lifestyle and become aware and responsible for my own health. If I mean to make this "diet" a true lifestyle change, then I have to be able to bend the rules, and be flexible with my food choices based on the circumstances. There is no way anyone can be completely rigid on a food restricted meal plan indefinitely. Trusting myself to be open-minded about my calorie intake is something that I have to practice, and practice a lot! I can't just lose the weight, and then decide the work is over, and go back to bad habits.
This weekend was a great test. I ate what I knew I should, and I allowed myself a treat or two when I knew I could counteract the calorie intake with playing outdoors. That skill is what is going to keep me thin for the long run. A strict calorie counting diet for the next 30 years is NOT what I have in mind.
So, after all was said and done, I'm back home to my scale, where it told me this morning that my weekend of indulgences didn't hurt me. I've lost 46 lbs now. I'm relaxed and happy and ready to face another Monday.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Set Point

I'm stuck. My scale says I've lost 45 lbs, then it will say 44 or 43 the next morning. I've been making sure I get my workouts in, but maybe I need to switch it up a little. Time to do something drastic to break through that plateau.
There are myths, or maybe not, about "set weight points". It seems as though I weighed just about what I do now, back in '94 when I got married. At that point, it seemed like I'd been at that same weight for awhile. I hadn't weighed under the 200 mark for years.
So I wonder if there's any truth to the idea of a set point. Regardless, I think if it does exist, and your body has a weight where it likes to stay, it's totally possible to get past that. Why shouldn't you be able to set a NEW point? I know it's possible, so now I just have to prove it. I want to hit the 50 lbs mark before the end of April!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Closet Woes

My closet is a disaster. My guest room is a disaster, too. Everywhere I look, I've got boxes of clothes I'm donating or plan on selling on Ebay. So much stuff doesn't fit, and I swear I'll never be in that size again.
In my closet, I've got clothes hanging, and clothes on shelves. Of the hanging clothes, I've got them separated into three categories: still fits, but not for long... currently fits... and can't wait to fit into!
On the floor and in the shelves, I've got jeans that are my current size, and jeans that are one size small. The one size small jeans I plan to be wearing in another month.
The reason I can't keep my closet straight is because I keep finding "transition" clothes for a really good price, and I tend to stock up for the future. I am not close enough to my goal to buy a complete new wardrobe, but one or two pieces in a smaller size give me that little something to shoot for. I have a sun dress that I picked up for a couple bucks at a thrift store that, at the time I bought it, was about 4 sizes too small. It's been my goal dress for this entire transformation. I don't quite fit into it yet... I've got a few inches to lose first. But it's hanging in my closet, among the can't wait to fit into clothes. I've got plans to slip it on and zip it up by August.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Forgive me...

Forgive me, followers, for I have sinned. It has been three days since I've updated the blog. :-)

And speaking of sins... I went to the movies today and had popcorn. The super-small, kid-sized, no butter variety. But it was salty, and it was goooood. We'll have to wait until I weigh in the morning to see if I messed up. It's a lot more carbs than I've had in a long time, but I think it's fine. At this point, having reached my halfway point, I'm a little more willing to have a small treat occasionally. But I still have my goal in sight, and a little treat is not going to get me all out of whack and feeling like a failure. I just give myself the reward, then jump right back on the low-cal wagon! Those emotions that used to give me that defeated feeling are no longer running the show. Hallelujah!!

Friday, April 9, 2010

Jugs: MIA

Woke up this morning, and weighed myself. I've lost 45 lbs now. So I started thinking how much that really is.
I've been going through the motions, doing what I have to do to lose the weight, and it's become a kind of competition with myself. I wake up, wanting to see that next pound disappear from the scale. But in the process of losing the weight, I've lost sight of the quantity of fat that is actually gone. It's really mind boggling when you think about it.
I've lost the equivalent of over four 10# bowling balls. I've lost the same weight as nine 5# bags of potatoes. And I've lost the same poundage as 5.25 gallon milk jugs.
And speaking of jugs, I seem to have misplaced mine... Dang. One of the first casualties of weight loss. The jugs.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

You look grrRREEAAat!

Yesterday at work, I got my first "You look great!" Finally, someone noticed. :-)
Considering I'm 5'10", I think it just takes more time for anyone to realize I've lost weight. Forty-two lbs on a shorter frame would be more obvious, I think. But it just doesn't show on me so much. My clothes don't fit anymore, and I've had to get smaller jeans, but the people that see me everyday just don't see it yet. I'm okay with that. Someday, when they least expect it, they turn around and see me and think they're looking at someone else! They won't recognize me in another 40 lbs!
I wonder how Wynonna Judd is doing on her diet using Alli... She IS my twin sister, after all. :-)

Tuesday, April 6, 2010


So today is April 6, and I'm 64 days into my new eating regime. Still happy with it, although it gets tougher all the time to find a variety in snacks. I have yet to start cutting up raw vegetables for snacks. I am really not a raw vegetable person. I'm not interested in celery unless it's got a big smear of peanut butter on it! Raw carrots are awful, although steamed carrots are one of my favorites! With my work schedule, the easiest foods for me to carry and snack on during the day are still the 90 calorie bars and simple fruits like apples and bananas. Garden season is almost here, though, and we'll have tomatoes and berries in the ground soon!
Weighed this morning and I'm still at 42 lbs lost. Went to the gym yesterday and it felt really good. I remember when we re-joined the gym back in September, I was not in any condition to work out. :-) Getting on the elliptical machine then was a real struggle. If I got through 3 or 4 minutes on level one, I was doing good. It would take a good 6-8 minutes of hard pushing to get beyond that feeling of exhaustion. Back then, if I could get past that 8 minutes point, my legs would feel much better. They would stop aching and I would be able to get through 15 minutes without wanting to jump off. Even then, I wasn't really sweating. I don't think, even with all the pain and struggling, I was getting my heart rate very high. I was just too heavy and too weak.
But yesterday, I had energy. For the first time in a long time, I was able to get on the machine, crank up the intensity, and get a good sweat going right away. It felt good to get the blood pumping, and not feel rubber-legged.
Sixty-four days ago, my waist was 8 inches bigger around. Today, I'm wearing a pant size that I haven't worn in 10 years. I'm ordering uniforms in shirt sizes that I haven't worn since high school. I'm the Incredible Shrinking Woman, and I am thrilled!
Yesterday at work, someone told me that I look like I had "worked my ass off". I was tempted to make a comment about the diet, but then I realized he might have been commenting on my appearance, considering I had just come in from the wind and rain. Dang. :-)

Saturday, April 3, 2010


Okay, so for the last week or so, I've been feeling like I was retaining water. It was just the monthly bloats, ya know? :-)
But I hoped that when I got through the week, that water gain would subside, and I'd catch up to where I hoped to be.
Got on the scale this morning, and lost another 2. That's a grand total now of 42. Not a bad trade off for a week of cramps.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Yay! I'm overweight!

There are BMI calculators, and BMR calculators, and body fat calculators. And on every one, I've been in the "obese" category for years. Not one of the calculators I've found go beyond "obese" to "morbidly obese", but I imagine I was in that category at one point, too.
This morning, I've reached a milestone. Maybe not a big deal to a lot of people, but to me, it's huge.
This morning, I weighed myself, and have lost 40 lbs. And based on the calculations from the many weight-watching tools I use, I am no longer obese. I have graduated to "overweight". Granted, I'm on the high end of overweight, and still have another 40+ to lose, but at least I'm leaning towards the normal end of the spectrum.
Life is good. Lean Cuisine French Bread Pizza is really good, too...

Thursday, April 1, 2010

I'm a little dizzy.

Woke up this morning, and for the first time in weeks, I forgot to weigh myself! I had already had my coffee and was looking for cold meds when I remembered.
I'm a little dizzy from the cold, since my ears are blocked and my balance is off. But I got on the scale, and before I fell off, (oops!) it weighed me with a full 40 lb loss!
Now, it could be that my eyes are all blurry from the fever, but I know what I think I saw! LOL
So now it's been 2 months... since Feb 2 that I started this new lifestyle. I'm totally happy with my progress so far, and it's not something that I think I'll change once I lose the weight I want to. Smaller portions, and more frequent low calorie snacks seems like the way to go. It's working for my body, and I don't have any weird side effects. I've had energy and better moods, and I have been sleeping like a rock for 7-8 hours a night. Who could ask for more?