Dehydrated.

I'm at that point during the month where I would be retaining water, and I expect to not lose anything for a day or two. I seem to level out for a couple days, then when my body un-bloats, I can sometimes lose 3 lbs in one week.
This morning I weighed and I've lost 68 lbs, but I'm not exactly convinced that that last pound is one that won't sneak back on tomorrow.
You see, last night, I had a couple of alcoholic drinks. :-) I decided to skip any mixers or juice, and just drink gin over ice. I actually like it that way. Mixers can be so sweet!
Anyway, the possibility of me being slightly dehydrated this morning is pretty good. And I think that one extra pound that I saw disappear when I got on the scale, might just be a result of the alcohol. Strange though, that at the same time I'm all bloaty and retaining water, I can also be so dehydrated to lose two pounds in two days. You'd think those two things would balance themselves out.
Anyway, I suppose once I get all my fluids back in, and the bloating goes away, I'll get a more accurate weight. In a couple days, I'll hopefully be able to say I've lost the 68 and it's staying gone.

Sausage-Pancake Nuggets!

Whew! Dodged a bullet today! Dumb me, went to the store on an empty stomach, just to pick up a couple things, and found myself holding a box of delicious looking little sausage nuggets wrapped in pancake. It was a box of 9 little pieces of heaven, at 240 calories per serving... a serving being 3 pieces.
I stood there holding them, imagining how good they'd be, and wondering if I could bring them home and only eat one... just to try it. Finally, I just put them back and ran... (okay, walked REALLY fast) to the check-out.
Still reeling over my near knee-buckling experience in the frozen foods, I mentioned to the clerk what I had moments ago been considering buying, as a snack. She and I agreed that eating one would lead to two, which would probably lead to buying a case and locking ourselves in a room with the little breakfast nuggets and a microwave, for at least two hours. Not a great way to spend a Saturday. Good thing I had the smarts to put them down.
Once in the car, I grabbed a Fiber One bar, (130 calories) out of a newly purchased box, and congratulated myself. :-)

Summer FUN!

Today is Thursday, June 24th, and I've lost 67 lbs. Only five weeks until I make my yearly drive from Southern Idaho to the Bay Area to see my family for our annual reunion. I've been sending photos, so they have an idea of my transformation, but so far, the only person from California to see what I've lost, has been my Mom. She was here a couple weeks ago.
Each year, when we go down to my family's place, there are things to do involving swimsuits. There's the pool, there's the beach... I have always pulled on my big girl suit and jumped in, knowing I looked years older than my real age, since I was carrying around so much extra weight.
This year, although I might not yet be at my goal, my suit will fit a bit more normally with a lot less jiggle.
And going to the Boardwalk in Santa Cruz will be fun again! I remember a couple years ago when we went to the Boardwalk, I was too big and uncomfortable to ride many rides. And these are the rides I've been riding since I was a kid. There are roller coasters, ferris wheels and thrill rides! I did, however, agree to get on one with my son. I think they call it the Fireball. It's a big wheel that lifts and spins. It goes fast and high!
It was a cool night, and I had a sweatshirt on. We waiting in the line, and got into our seats, and when it came time for the attendant to buckle us in, she had trouble with mine. The bar that comes down over your shoulders, wouldn't come far enough over me to snap safely. How humiliating. Everyone else was secured, and watching and waiting for me to get buckled in. She finally got it down, and the ride started. I told myself it was because my sweatshirt was so bulky. Helloooooo! Lots of people there had sweatshirts on, and no one else had trouble! Ugh. I was so frightened during that ride. I was sure my harness was going to POP! open and I was going to go flying. That was not fun. :-)
This year, I'm going on everything. I can sit in any ride comfortably. I don't have to be the one that sits in the back of the Log Ride, because I'm too big to sit between someones legs. I don't have to get the water in my face this year! Whooo hooooo! LOL
I don't have to worry about being on the "wrong" side of the Scrambler. You know when it starts spinning, and centrifugal force throws both passengers to one side? You always see one couple with the little person squished against the side. So funny! But so unfair. :-)
I'm no skinny-minny... yet. But I'm a lot better off this year than I was a couple years ago. I'm a lot less self-conscious than I used to be. I'm getting there... slowly.
Still, I think I'll skip the Cheese on a Stick and the deep fried Twinkies. :-)

Doubting Thomases

For a lot of years, probably most of my life, if I felt the need to diet, and made an effort to cut back on calories, there was always someone there to bring me down. Someone was always looking over my shoulder, or from across the table, letting me have their full opinion about my efforts. "Why are you bothering to eat a salad? You're just going to have cookies later!" "Go ahead and enjoy a good dinner! This diet of your will be in the history books by the end of the week anyway!"

I think, looking back, it was those opinions regarding my lack of will power and strength that somehow sabotaged me. The feelings of weakness, and an inability to control myself were reinforced over and over. It took years and years to get past that. (It took up until about 4 1/2 months ago, actually.)

When I started counting calories this time, I had found my strength. No more sabotage. No more weakness. No more listening to anyone's opinion about what they thought would be another futile attempt at weight loss.

Within the first 2 weeks of counting calories, I went with Bunna and some friends out to breakfast. Everyone ordered large breakfasts including sausage, bacon, fried potatoes and syrupy pancakes. I, on the other hand, ordered a two egg "omelet" with nothing in it. Basically, just scrambled eggs, folded. I also had one pancake, but only because the meal came with it. I ate it with no butter or syrup. And it was satisfying.

But the looks and comments I got were like a blast from the past. I saw the smirks on their faces that basically came across like, "Really? That's it? You think that's going to help you lose weight? Gee, I wonder how long this will last..."

So it continues. Yes, I think I am mentally beyond being affected by the comments, but I find myself sometimes falling back into the mindset of that chubby, little 10 year old who was teased.

These days, if I'm eating with a group of others, and something is served that is "bad" for me, I will probably have some anyway, like that pancake at breakfast with friends. Not to excess, and not to sabotage myself. But because in the back of my mind, I have a feeling that if I don't at least have a bite, there will be someone looking at me with a disappointed face, saying, "You're not REALLY trying this DIET thing again, are you?" In order to avoid a situation where I have to defend myself, I just have a bite and act like I'm not dieting. I totally regret it, but I do it anyway, just so I don't have to see the doubting, isn't she pathetic, look on their faces.

New size.

I think it's safe to say, I'm officially into a size 14 now. Although I've yet to admit my weight in any of my posts so far, I'm not so afraid to admit my pant size. I was a 22W when I started this 4 1/2 months ago. Now, I have my size 16s folded nicely on my closet floor, and my 14s in a place of honor on the shelf. The 16s are in that transition stage with me... I know I won't need them anymore, but since they are the next size up, I need to be sure that I won't have a "fluffy" day and need them. When I'm down a few more pounds, they'll take their rightful place in the box of clothes to be donated in the garage.
Still at 65 lbs lost today, but within only 4/10's of a pound to be officially at 66.

Slow going? You bet! Worth it? Absolutely!

Tennis anyone? ANYONE??

Yesterday was Saturday. On Friday night, my son had a friend stay over. I told them that they could have their sleep-over on one condition: That they get up early with me and go play a little tennis.
We live next to the Jr. High, and the courts are usually available to anyone with a racquet and a couple of balls. So yesterday morning, I woke the boys up at 8:30, and we got on bikes and headed to the school. I could tell as soon as I saw the parking lot that it wasn't good news for us. Apparently, there is a beginners tennis group that meets on Saturday mornings, and they had all 4 courts tied up. The boys just turned their bikes around, and headed back to the house. I asked them to stay, and maybe just use the fenced-in basketball courts as our play area. No nets, but that would have been okay with me!
Anyway, it was a no-go. They gave up so easily! I told them I wasn't coming right home, and proceeded to ride around the back of the school until I found an alcove near the gymnasium entrance that had a big, tall wall. There I practiced until the sun was so bright and in my eyes that I finally gave up. :-)
I got home to find two hungry boys. So the day started with scrambled eggs, fried potatoes, sausage and toast. (I didn't have any sausage.)
The rest of the day was spent at a BSU Pre-season tailgate party. There was BBQ, give-aways, and entertainment. We spent about 3 hours there, having hamburgers and chips and waiting to win something. (FYI... we didn't win anything.)
We got home from the tailgate, and decided to go miniature golfing before we had to drop my son off at his dad's. By the time we got home, it was 8:30 and we were a little hungry. I had a spinach salad and Bunna had an iceberg lettuce salad. He grilled one burger patty, and one turkey dog. He ate his burger, on a bun. I had my turkey dog on a plate with mustard. :-)
Anyway, I think because we had the majority of our calories early in the day, and just a few in the evening, it saved me. Normally, if I had a cheeseburger and chips, I would find that I didn't lose any weight the next day, or at most would just remain status quo.
But I was pleased to find that when I weighed this morning, I have lost 65... almost 66... lbs! Oh good. It's been so long since my scale has said anything different. This is a great boost!

Doctor appointment soon!

Made a doctor's appointment for July 20 for myself and my son. He's going in for his school sports physical, and I told them I just want to have my annual blood draw and checkup. The appointment is four weeks from now, so I have about 30 days to lose a bit more weight before I see my doctor.
This is the doctor that I was referred to when I had a DVT (blood clot) just after my son was born. That was in 1996, and she's been my regular physician ever since. She's also Bunna's doctor now, and since my son graduated from his old pediatrician, he sees her, too.
She's seen me at all weights. I was super heavy after I had my son, when she first treated me. At that time, I was about 250. I had gained so much with my pregnancy, and was bed-ridden and hospitalized for 7 days right after my son's delivery. I didn't get that weight off for a long while, and even then, I never got below 200. For a girl that's 5'10", that's pretty hefty. I was wearing a size 18-20 in those days.
Over the years, she's seen me go up and down. But she's never known me to weigh what I do now. I can't wait for her reaction! First, she'll be speechless. Then, once the shock wears off, she'll have to know everything, so I'll fill her in. Hopefully, she approves of my plan. She can't argue with success!
I'll be posting her reaction once the appointment date comes, four weeks from now. I think I can lose another 8 lbs by then!

I'm in a rut.

Okay, I'm tired of saying I've lost 64 lbs!! I haven't dropped so much as a tenth of a pound in 8 days! Something's going on, because I haven't changed my habits this week at all. Maybe that's the problem. My body is getting comfortable with my schedule. Hmmm... I need to give it a big surprise! Maybe tennis, or a sprint around the track! My son will be home this weekend, and maybe I'll be able to get him to go over to the school we live near and play basketball or something.
By next week, I need to be out of this rut. I want to see a big 65+ lb loss next time I get on the scale!

Stepper

I have to admit, I haven't been to the gym in a while. But I have been using my little stepper here at home. It counts steps, and times me. I normally step for about 15 minutes and do about 700 steps, but today, I stepped as fast as I could and did only 480 steps in about 8 minutes. That's just about a step a second! I was going as fast as I could for those 8 minutes, and by the time I finished, I was breathing pretty rough! LOL
I'm still at 64 lbs, and maintaining... not by choice, but because my body has decided to stall its progress for a bit, I suppose. Granted, my food choices for the last couple weekends have got my body asking me, "What's up??" But I'm content knowing that I'm doing my best to get back to the basics of how I designed this diet to begin with. One hundred calorie snacks, every 1.5-2 hours, with my healthy dinner.
I'm so close to my goal now, that I think it's just going to feel like forever until I get down another 22 lbs. The first 64 flew by! No one struggling with weight wants to hear this, but honestly, it has been effortless. By doing a one-eighty with my eating, the fat cells that I had been building and growing started to shrink. I know, they'll always be there, thanks to the years of eating tons of calories. But if they shrink, and aren't ever given the calories to fill up again, I'll stay thin. That's all I can hope for. Well, that, and a miracle cure for loose skin. LOL

Ahhh, nuts!

So as it turns out, last week was a combination of maintaining, and catching up. The weekend my mother was in town set me back two pounds, but I lost those 2 by the 9th of June. Then the rest of the week, I basically maintained that.
This last weekend, we had friends over and bbq-ed. Now, I could have stuck to my plan. It's not a problem to do that. I had food here that would have totally fit into my calorie count, and I would have stayed on track. But some days, you just have to say, it's okay. I went up as high as maybe 1700 calories on Saturday, so as it turns out, the maintaining continued.
Monday, I was back on track. But not until we spent a couple hours with Bunna's parents playing cards on Sunday afternoon.
On days when we play cards, everyone likes to have something to snack on. We normally have strawberries or grapes or even a bowl of cherry tomatoes on the table with us. Those are the responsible days.
But on Sunday, there was fresh caramel corn which I dipped into a few times. And then, I spotted the nuts. A jar of mixed nuts. Healthy, right? And once I opened them for a bite, Bunna's mom decided to pour them into a bowl for the card table. OH NO!!!
I have to admit, I love salted, mixed nuts. But after picking at the bowl that day, and coming home to find I didn't lose any weight over the weekend, I decided to double check the calorie count on those healthy little nuts.
Just a quick FYI on nuts... On the lower end of the calorie scale, you have peanuts, almonds, pecans and walnuts. Assuming there is no honey-crunch coating, you're okay with a small handful of those. They're high in protein, too.
But if you're digging around in the mixed nut bowl like I was, avoid the high-fat, high-calorie nuts like Brazil nuts and macadamias. An ounce of macadamias has 200 calories and 17 grams of fat! And one Brazil nut has 25 calories! Hands off those nuts!

Gray areas.

There's another blog that I read, occasionally, written by a woman that has been struggling with her weight for a long time. In one of her recent posts, she expressed her frustration with having had to attend an all day work meeting where the food was provided. Her choices and better judgement had been taken from her, and she was basically forced to eat what was provided to the group.
Because she hadn't stuck to her plan to keep her hunger at bay during the morning hours, by afternoon when lunch was served, she lost control of her will power. She ate bbq, and sweets, and large portions. Her entry into her blog that night was written by a broken woman. Her guilt was evident in her writing.
I am so glad I'm beyond that. There was a time when, for me, it was all or nothing. If I followed any plan and stuck to it for a week, I felt fantastic! But the moment I caved in, and had something that I knew wasn't good for me, I fell off the wagon, as if it were the end of the world.
What we need to remember is that there are gray areas in our lives. Everything can't be black and white. It's balance that we need to learn. If one is on a diet to lose weight, that diet can't be running their lives and causing guilt every time they have a piece of bread or a cookie. The trick is in balancing your activity with your calorie intake. It's simple, but takes lots of practice.
I'm to a point where I feel super confident about my choices. As long as I'm active, whether it's aerobic or not, at least I'm moving. And when I'm moving, I'm burning calories. Sitting on the couch doesn't burn calories. Housework burns calories. Yard work burns calories. Walking the dog, chasing the kids and shopping at the mall burns calories. :-)
We're back to the basic equation of calories in/calories out. Add them as you eat them, and then burn them off.

Eating alone.

For forty-six weeks out of the year, I'm a working mom that comes home at 6pm and makes dinner. During those weeks, depending on which season it is for my son's sports, (baseball, football), we either have a healthy sit-down dinner, or rush off to the field for 3 hours. Sometimes during baseball season, we aren't home until 9pm, and it's a mad dash to get something for him to eat before bed. On those days, I ususally just have a quick salad and hit the hay.
But on days when we don't have to be anywhere quickly, we can sit down to a nice green salad and balanced dinner... well, kind of.
My son loves his rice. He loves his pasta. And he loves his mac-n-cheese. These are all things that I avoid, but that doesn't mean I won't make them for him. We will always both have our protein and vegetable, but I just won't eat the starchy side dishes. I will have small portions of everything else, though.
For four nights out of the week, Bunna is home for dinner, too. And he normally eats what I do. He and I stick pretty close to that 300 calorie dinner plan.
That is the schedule for the majority of the year. But for six weeks in the summer, my son goes to his dad's. And with Bunna working a lot of nights, I come home to an empty house. It's not so bad, considering when it's just me, I can cook or not. My son has only been at his dad's for about 4 days, and I've been having a big salad every night. After my salad, I find a protein, but usually skip making anything else. I've been eating Boca Burger patties with a little ketchup or A-1 sauce. Tuesday night, I had three small slices of leftover tri-tip, and last night a small portion of leftover spaghetti noodles. Oops... no protein there! But I did have a hard-boiled egg on my salad.
Bunna is home from work tonight, and we'll have supper together. Maybe he'll come up with something more imaginative than what I've been having this week. Maybe we'll go out for soup!

Oh, and this morning I weighed, and have lost 64 lbs. Only 22 to go!

Back to Square 63

Alrighty then! Back to square one, (or should I say square 63?)! I've lost those pesky 2 lbs that crept up while I was enjoying family and big meals over the weekend. Let's see... I'm less than a week off my schedule, so it should still be the end of August when I reach my goal.
But my back has been really stiff and sore the last two days! I'm trying to spend as little time as possible in front of the computer. When my back is like this, it makes it nearly impossible to tie my shoes, much less balance on my stepper.
I'm wondering if my sore back is a delayed reaction from the roller skating I did last Saturday. It's possible, I suppose. I need to get my core muscles in much better shape before I do those types of exercise. Not having strong stomach muscles puts so much strain on my back!

Oops! I slipped.

Weighed this morning, and as I expected, I slipped up two pounds. Over the weekend, I was eating more than what I would if I were just maintaining. I actually ate sweets that I wouldn't dream of eating if I were counting calories!
But yesterday, I had some grapefruit at 6am, an apple around 8, a small Clif bar at 11am, and some Egg Beaters at 1:00. Around 3, I had an apple, and around 5:30, I had a big salad with tomato and hard-boiled egg. Then I just had a plain Boca burger with A-1 sauce. So unintentionally, I probably stayed under 900 for the day. That's low, but I was so exhausted, and just wanted to sleep. I was in bed at 9pm.
I'm back on track today, and since I slept in a little, I'm only just now getting to my first cup of coffee. I'll have an apple soon, and then another coffee. I'm back to work today after taking 5 days off. So the jumping, lifting, carrying, climbing and hopping I do at my job, combined with the super warm weather we're going to have today, will have me sweating and losing built up water weight pretty darn quick. I'll be back to my previous loss point of 63 lbs in a day or so. Then I'm back on track for the next 23.

Back on the wagon!

Wow... My last post was June 2, and at that point I had lost 63 lbs. But over the weekend, I had lots of family gatherings planned, so I gave myself a free weekend. I got some exercise, and ate healthy for the most part, but I did have some treats.
I haven't weighed myself, and I'm almost afraid to! :-) Maybe I'll wait a day or two until I can get back on track. I veered quite a bit from the snack schedule and calorie counting I have become so conditioned to follow over the past four months. Today, I'm back on the wagon, and ready to tackle the next 23 lbs! But gee... after this weekend, it might be 25 that I have to lose to hit my goal!
It was so worth it though! I had spaghetti, tri-tip, grilled chicken, spinach salad, rhubarb pie, and oh yeah..... a cinnamon roll! I think my digestion is wondering what happened to the fiber? Where are my daily apples? Don't worry, Tummy. We're getting back to normal today.

Backache

Have had a sore back for a couple days now. Not 100% yet, so I'm moving a little slower than usual. I did manage to get on my stepper here at home for two-15 minute sessions. That's better than nothing.
I've lost 63 now. If it weren't for my backache, I'd be on top of the world! :-) But I'll tell you what... back before I lost these 63 lbs, if I had a backache, I would blame it on my weight, and sit on a heating pad, depressed about it. It's good to know that now, if I have a strained back, it's more likely from bad form during exercise, than from lugging around extra poundage. That's a plus.
Someone else I hadn't seen for a few months at work saw me yesterday. "You've gone and got all skinny!" Geeeeee... thanks. :-)