One last thing...

Okay... yes, we're leaving! Vacation can't come soon enough! But I just wanted to put one more progress entry on the blog before I go. Got up this morning to a beautiful 180.4 on the scale. That's 76 lbs now.
Hopefully, I come back from California weighing less, or at the very least, the same! I've got to crank up the will power! Family reunions and Boardwalk food will be a big temptation!

Moving slowly down...

Woke up this morning to a bit of a loss... Scale says 181.6, so that's a full 75 pounds! Woohoo! Yay, me! LOL
Leaving for vacation tomorrow. We'll plan on taking plenty of water and Clif Bars in the car for our 10 hour drive. I'll be watching my calories carefully, so I can work in a Boardwalk corndog when I get to Santa Cruz! :-)
Might not get another entry in until I get back on the 9th of August, but until then, know that I'm shocking the heck out of my friends and family back home. LOL
I'll get some good photos up when I get back. Have a great week!

Time to "stabilize".

Alrighty! Went to the doctor yesterday, and all is well... so far. They took some blood for labs, and we'll see if everything comes out good. Hopefully, we'll find out that my cholesterol is normal, and all my vitamins are at good levels.
The doctor was happy that I'd lost the weight. The first thing she asked was whether or not I'd been using any diet pills or if I had had surgery! LOL Oh no... not THIS girl. That kind of elective surgery is not for me.
She was happy that I had done it the old fashioned way, with cutting calories and burning more than I eat. She wasn't too concerned about the speed that I lost it. It's slowed down considerably. She actually told me that after losing 75 lbs in less than 6 months, my body was bound to need time to readjust. "Stabilize" is the word she used. So if I maintain this weight for another couple weeks or so, it's not a big issue. I'll give myself time to get used to this weight, then by the end of August, I'll start really pushing again, and maybe by Christmas, I'll get that last 15 off.
I weighed in at 183 on her scale, so mine at home isn't off like I thought it was. This morning at home, I'm 182.4 again, same as I was last Saturday.
As far as my blood pressure meds go, she's going to leave me on the same dosage for the next three weeks, and then I'll see her again. In the meantime, I'm to log my BP every other day or so, and keep track of my heart rate. etc. My heart rate is sometimes as low as 55 right when I wake up, before I get out of bed. She said that's good for an athlete. But I'm not an athlete. So it might be that the meds are making it a little too low.
It's possible that I could be on the meds indefinitely, just because it's a genetic thing. I inherited my high blood pressure from somewhere up the line. But she thinks she might be able to lower the dose, once we get an idea where my pressure is on this dosage. That's good news. As far as I'm concerned, the fewer the pills, or the lower the dosage, the better.
All and all, a good visit. The doctor emphasized that I need to make sure I'm learning how to eat, and not get used to just eating the low-cal food that I've been losing weight with. I've been working on that, by incorporating a lot more different foods into my diet. Still counting calories, and limiting myself, but allowing myself to eat some of my favorites.
They've been taking care of me for 14 years now, and I trust their opinions. I'm glad I finally took their advice and did something about the weight. I think by losing this weight, I've added a few quality years to my life. :-)

Splash, Sucker!

Standing on the bridge over the Boise River, we were watching all the adventurous people floating down on tubes and rafts, trying to keep cool on a very hot summer day.

Standing next to me and my friend was a man, who was also watching the people float. I made a comment to my friend that there was a shirtless man just coming out of the water that might not feel it yet, but his sunburn would probably keep him awake that night. She asked, "Which one?" I pointed him out, and the man next to us said, "The fat one."

I made a comment to him to the effect that I wouldn't have used that word, but yes, that was who I was talking about.

What I got out of this little exchange is this: Seventy-five pounds ago, that man on the bridge with us would probably never have said a word. He, hopefully, would have had enough tact to not say the word "fat" around me, since 5 1/2 months ago, I was most definitely fat, and would likely be offended.

But these days, I'm not the fat girl so much anymore, so an insensitive stranger felt it was okay to use that word, because he didn't think I'd be offended...?

The fact is, I was kind of offended. I don't like when people use that word to describe someone. I would hope there would be a less offensive way to describe someone who is a bit heavy, or a lot heavy. I got the feeling that man expected my friend and I to laugh with him.

I didn't laugh. I could barely even respond to him. I should have pushed him in the river. :-)

182.4

My weight has gone down only 4/10's in a couple days. No surprise, though. Last night we were out running around and decided to just grab a salad at restaurant.

We could have easily just drove through any fast food place and had a quick "side salad". That would have filled me up and been plenty until morning.

But noooooo. We couldn't do any thing that simple. We went out of our way to go to a fun place downtown that, on a Friday night at 7, was packed to the gills. By the time we got our table, we had been inhaling the smells of delicious comfort food so long, that our taste buds were crying out for something yummy!

You see, this restaurant has been featured on Food Network, and is one of the best hamburger/comfort food places in Boise. You just don't go to "Donnie Mac's Trailer Park Cuisine" and get a salad.
So we ordered food that we had been craving, and that we wouldn't normally order. Bunna ordered Finger Steaks. For those of you that have never heard of them, they are strips of tender beef, battered and deep fried. Some people like them, but they're not for me.
I ordered a Reuben. Yummy, corned beef and sauerkraut with Swiss cheese on marbled rye. That and a side of sweet potato fries, and this girl was in Heaven.

I'm guessing that the sandwich and fries were about 8-900 calories. Add those to the calories I had during the day, and I ended with a total of about 1400. Not too far over my normal day's intake, but enough to have another "maintaining" day.

So we had a little splurge. But I saved a few calories by ordering only water! :-)

Doctor Appointment next week!

It's Friday! And I've got mixed feelings about my doctor appointment on Tuesday.
On the one hand, I think the doctor will be happy that I've lost the weight. On the other hand, I hate springing it on her by just showing up in her waiting room, looking unlike I did 6 months ago. That probably wouldn't bother most people, but I'm the type that hates surprising people. (For the same reason, I absolutely hate practical jokes!)
But I'll be going in with my son for his school physical. He'll go in first, then I'll have to face the doc when he's done. I just hope she is okay with my plan, and more importantly, I hope my blood work comes back perfectly healthy! I've always had a decent cholesterol level, although my triglycerides have been a bit off. I've been taking my D vitamins, Multi-, and fish oil religiously. That, hopefully, will be evident in my results, and she'll be okay with my weight loss.
I haven't been losing too quickly. In the beginning, it seemed to fall off, but I'm sure that's because I was so large to begin with, it just came off faster. Now that I'm pretty close to my goal weight, the loss has slowed down a bunch! I am lucky if I lose a pound a week now.
No worries. I said in the beginning, I'd be close to goal in August, but it might take me until the new year until I reach my ideal weight. I'm okay with that. I'm totally enjoying being smaller, and stronger, and more confident.
Now... let's see. Should I wear 3 or 4 layers of clothes to my doctor appointment? And only peel them off when it's time to weigh? That would lessen the shock to my favorite medical professionals. I don't want them to faint. :-)

182.8

Yesterday was a bad day, all day. I couldn't get over the feelings that had come up during the morning. It was NOT a day that I would wish on anyone.
But I got through it, and until, or unless there are repercussions from my admitting my weight here in the blog, I'll be fine.
I have to say again though, I'm not a person that keeps anything in. Secrets are not my favorite thing. And having to do the math, and keep from blurting out my real weight has been a big burden. I'm going to be much happier just saying it like it is.
So this morning, I weighed, and am proud to say, I am 182.8 pounds. :-) That brings our total to..........((((((drumroll)))))))) .........Seventy-four pounds! Only twelve more to go!
I think I'll fit comfortably in a 13 when I reach 170. That's the weight I was in high school, when the "Boots" story came about. But my eventual goal will be to fit into an 11 again. I think the weight calculators say that a healthy weight for my height will be between 150-167. I'll be darned close!
Oh, and BTW... Bunna is being his typical, un-dramatic self. He's not talking about anything that went on yesterday, from my admission, to my nervous breakdown. It's all back to normal. He did, however, tell me that he is going to stop weighing until there is a bigger span in our weights. He gets that the scale is thinking we are the same person, and he wants me to have my scale to myself for awhile, so there's no electronic confusion.
That's all we need in this house is another type of confusion. We've already got plenty of that!

Emotional Milestone

This is it. I'm freakin' out. I knew this day would eventually come, but I didn't know how emotional I'd be. It could have been a simple conversation, but it turned into me bawling my eyes out.
This morning, I weighed. Then Bunna came downstairs and weighed. I looked over his shoulder, and it weighed, to the tenth, the same as I weighed.
So, now, I realize why, over the past couple weeks, my scale has been lying to me. The numbers have been up and down and erratic. We know that my scale has a memory, and that it holds that memory for up to 24 hours. Anyone weighing themselves more often than once a day is going to get the same reading each time, whether it's morning or evening. But he and I weigh the same now. So close, that the scale thinks we are the same person.
So here's the kicker. In order to explain to Bunna what's going on with the scale, I had to admit to him my original starting weight. That was awful; embarrassing, humiliating, scary.
I started by saying, "We weigh the same now, and the scale thinks we're the same person." At this point, I could have just waited for him to do the math. But I continued, trying to purge myself of all the guilt.
Then slowly and carefully, I mouthed the words, and I heard myself say, "Bunna, 74 lbs ago, I weighed 256 lbs."
He just stared at me, and tried to change the subject. I think he was in shock. Then I just lost it. Tears, apologies, and a wretched guilt.
I knew at some point I was going to have to fess up, and spill my guts to him. But he's not always real good at reading my emotions, so it's been difficult for me to get to the point where I can talk to him about this without feeling like he's sweeping it under the rug.
This is a huge step for me. Telling him, and admitting in this blog the truth. I never thought I'd be able to do it. There are a lot of people reading this that I might not be comfortable telling face to face.
But for crying out loud! It's just a number, right? True, it represents years of self-abuse, and disregard for my health. I'm not proud of those things. For years, I've felt like the lazy one, but in fact, I think it's been much more of an emotional eating disorder. I'm still working through it all.
But anyway, it is just a number. And it's in the past. And like every other little misstep in my life, we get past it and get over it, and live for today. I won't ever see that weight again, so I can just talk about it here, and then forget it. From now on, I will speak in current numbers. I am going to use my current weight, and not my "weight lost" when I talk about progress.
OMG. Am I really going to post this? Here I go!

Out of hibernation.

My scale, as you probably know, has been asleep for about a week or so. It's been refusing to work, and just says the same thing every time I talk to it.
Well, this morning, it woke up. I jumped on, and it said, "Good morning, friend! You have lost 73lbs!"
I am so happy to have my friend back from his deep sleep. And not only have I lost 73, I am only 2/10's from weighing 74 lbs less than 5 1/2 months ago!
I thought I might make my goal of 86 lbs before vacation starts on August 30, but it's not likely. I will be darn close though! Only 13 more to go! Yay!!

More of the same.

Tomorrow morning, I swear, if that darn scale doesn't say something different... I'm gonna... Well, I guess I'll go buy a new one. :-)
Last time I talked about that scale, I suggested that maybe the aliens had replaced mine with a joke scale that never changed. I truly believe that happened.
It's been over a week... since somewhere around the 9th.. since my scale has said anything different than what it says every morning now. And I don't mean approximately. I mean, to the tenth, the same. Strange. How can a person really maintain so well that their weight is not one tenth above or below the previous day... for over a week?
Okay, fine. I'll stop complaining about the scale. But by God, tomorrow morning, if it says the same thing I've seen for days, I'm going to toss it out the window!
Then I'll go outside, and gently pick it up, apologize to it, and put it back on my kitchen floor. I can't abandon it now. It's been with me for a lot of pounds that were lost. It knows where I've been, and I would bet, considering I have to stand on it each day, it's pretty happy I'm 71 lbs lighter.

Size Matters

Back on April 13, I had lost about 45 lbs and in my post entitled, "Closet Woes", I mentioned that I had a small dress that I had picked up at a thrift store to use as my "goal dress".

Since then, I've lost another 26... a total of 71, and that dress actually fits!

All this time I thought it was a 13, but in fact, it's a 15. It makes sense that it should fit now, since I've been wearing size 14 jeans for awhile now. But what took so long for it to fit, was the fact that the zipper is on the side, and I had a hard time getting it up with one hand. LOL

Regardless, it fits. It's not the most fashionable dress, mind you. Considering where I bought it, it was probably a Mervyn's special back in '03. :-)

But it's not the colors or the style that matters. In this case.... SIZE MATTERS. And I can fit into a size 15 dress! Yay!

Oh, and I just gotta say.................. "Ain't I cute???" LOL

Shopping is fun!

Having a good day so far! Weighed, and the scale is saying I've lost 71 lbs. Of course, it said that last week, and then it bounced up and down for a few days. I think it's going to stay down this time.
Went shopping and grabbed a pair of shorts off the rack, and without any hesitation, they slipped right up and buttoned easily. I've been wearing size 14 for a couple weeks now, and these that I bought today are also a 14. But it still amazes me that I can just walk into a store and grab something that fits, without having to take into account thigh circumference, etc. :-)
Three more weeks until I go on vacation, and I'll be happy to go. I may or may not lose any more substantial weight between now and then, but I'm satisfied with my size now. If it takes me until the first of the year to get all the way where I want to be, well that's okay. I will eventually be 90 lbs lighter than my original weight, and I wouldn't have been able to say that if I hadn't taken that first step 5+ months ago. Whew!!

Define "temporary"...

Plateau (pla to') n. 1. a temporary halt in progress.

Really? Temporary? Hmmm. Maybe I should look up "temporary" now. I honestly think my scale is broken. On a whim, I weighed myself last night, after dinner. And surprise, surprise. It weighed me the same last night as it did yesterday morning, as it did this morning.
Either the aliens have switched my scale for a joke scale that never changes, or I'm on a serious plateau. Nothing has changed, to the tenth of a pound, for three days. Odd, to say the least.
Maybe I need to go shopping for another scale.
I think after losing 70 lbs, my body has a right to slow down and smell the roses. Time to adjust... we all need it. I'll give it another couple days, then I'm calling out the big guns! I'll go RUNNING!
For a long time, I've known my scale was off a little. Four pounds, to be exact. That is based on what the medical, slide-type scale says at the gym. Yesterday, at the gym, I used their scale to check the difference with mine, and sure enough, that four pounds was there.
It doesn't change what I've lost, since I've based all my progress on my home scale. But it does keep me aware that when I go to the doctor later this month, I will have to be prepared for that four pounds to be there. Her scale is the authority on weight. The God of Poundage.
And I will bow down to it when I get there... and pray for mercy.

Last night's menu.

Yesterday was so warm out, and since I work outdoors, the last thing I wanted to do was heat up the kitchen when I got home. But, last night, I had the most delicious dinner! I started with my basic iceberg salad, with tomato and sliced hard-boiled egg. Some light ranch, and a sprinkle of shredded cheese, and it was just what the doctor ordered. Cool and light.
For my main course, I put a turkey burger on the Foreman. (200 calories) The man at the fruit stand gave us a a big container of his salsa to take home and try, so I used a couple of spoonsful of that on top of my burger. He makes the salsa with chunks of avocado, tomato, and serranos, then adds rough-cut cilantro and a squeeze of lime. It was so good, and HOT! :-)
Fresh and delicious, and the perfect compliment to the turkey burger!
I think all together, the dinner was probably under 450 calories! That was so good, I think I'll have the same thing tonight!

Who's the boss?

I've been getting back to basics on my menu lately. No substituting. Just eating what I know. It seems to be the only way for my body to understand I mean business.
First thing in the morning, it's coffee. Bold and black. Yum. :-) By 8:30, I have my apple (70 calories.) Around 11, I have 3/4 cup of egg beaters (90 calories), microwaved for 3 minutes. So easy.
Before I leave for work at 12:45, I have all my pills. My blood pressure pills, my multi-vitamin, my extra calcium, my omega threes, and some aspirin. (I'm still on aspirin therapy since my blood clot incident back in '96.)
I also mix up a sugar-free green tea powder/ Benefiber glass of water to take all my pills with. The green tea curbs my appetite, I think. And the extra fiber helps fill me up until my next snack.
I usually won't have anything else until 3:00 when I have another apple. Then, I have a fiber bar or Clif Kids bar (130 calories) at 4:00. Another 100 calorie bar at 5, and a cheese stick (80 calories) at 5:30. All that fills me up, and when I get home from work at 6:30, I'm ready for dinner, but not starving.
Dinner is an iceberg salad (200 calories), and a protein. We've got the turkey burgers in the freezer, so lately, we've been putting a couple of those on the Foreman. One burger is 200 calories, and I just put a little pepper and salt on it, and maybe a drop of A-1.
My snacks during the day add up to between 5-600 calories, and my dinner is usually around 400.
I've got to show my body who is boss! Take no prisoners! Show no mercy!!
I weighed today, and have lost 71 lbs. I am in charge of my future!!

More measurements.

Since my weight is taking its time moving down, I thought I'd look for another form of motivation, so I decided to take measurements again. It's been since the middle of May since I've done that.
Turns out, of the three measurements I took in May, there is not that much of a difference. In May, my bra line was 36", and now it's 35". My waist has stayed the same: 35" then and now. But my hips were 43". Now they are 41 1/2". That's encouraging! I should probably be measuring my thighs and arms, too, but that's a little scary. My skin is taking its time shrinking back in those areas, and I'm looking a little wrinkly.
But hey! What's worse? Skin full of fat, or skin wrinkly because the fat is gone? That's a tough call, but I'll go with the skin minus the fat, thank you. That's what Spanx are for, right?

Dairy Queen

Summer is here, and one of my favorite after dinner treats is now pretty much out of the question. I'm sad that a large DQ cherry dipped cone, my favorite, is 670 calories. The medium size is 480, and the small is 330. I could possibly work a kids' size into my daily allowance, if I watch my intake the rest of the day. A kids' size cherry dipped cone is 220 calories.
Why is it that the yummy stuff is always the stuff that sticks to your thighs? Someone needs to come up with a sugar-free, fat-free cherry dipped cone that is less than 100 calories! (sigh)

Super 70's!

Looking back, I had set a goal for myself of 50 lbs by the end of April, and I accomplished that, with a couple days to spare. Here it is, two months later, and another goal has been met... but a couple days late.
It is now July 2, and I've hit the 70 lb mark! I've known over the last couple days that it was within range, but the way my body has been resisting my efforts, I didn't know when I would hit that milestone. This morning, I weighed, and am just 2/10's inside the 70 lb mark! (You know I love my tenths!)
Pretty often lately, I've had my dinners alone. Everyone has somewhere they have to be, and I come home from work to have my big green salad and Boca Burger all alone. I love my Boca Burgers, with just a little of some kind of sauce for variety. Earlier this week, I ran across some mango-coconut-hot sauce that is so good! I bought it because I thought it might taste similar to the sauce they use at the Bonefish Grill on their Bang-Bang Shrimp. I was hoping to find a simple way to make that awesome shrimp at home. But it turns out, the sauce is a little too mango-y, and not like the Bang-Bang sauce at all. Although, it will make a good shrimp, I'm sure! I might have to try that this weekend...
Anyway, meals have been small, with few temptations since the house is empty at night. Good thing I don't have to cook for the cat. If I had to make him tortellini every night, I'd be in trouble!

Happy July!

Happy July! I thought I'd better put a little something on my blog, in case there are actually people out there reading it, and expecting to hear news of a great breakthrough or something. Well, dream on, people. This week has been one of those up and down weeks. My scale will say 67, then 68, then 69 lbs lost. Then the next morning, I'm back to 67. Nothing's changed in my eating, except I did have a handful of York Pieces. :-) And I made sure I added those to my daily calorie count. I'm still blaming my lack of weight loss on water retention.
I'm sticking faithfully to my plan, and I've substituted a Clif Bar here and there for berries and grapes. Summertime fruits are the best! Probably higher in sugar than other snacks I could choose, but I'm okay with that. If fresh food is available and I can work it into my day's allotment, I'll be okay with the scale leveling out for a few days. No biggy.
This weekend is the Fourth of July holiday. There will no doubt be temptations everywhere, but I'll be good. The last couple weekends, I've gone off my plan a bit, but still kept my daily intake to close to 1400 calories. That's enough to "maintain", but not to lose. It's a good reminder, though, that when I've lost all I want to lose, I'll be able to maintain it easily enough.
Let's hope that by Monday, my scale and I are on good terms again, and I can hit that 70lb mark! Fingers crossed!